Til Death Do Us Part

Taiwan has given its green light for gay marriage, so the possibility for people like us (PLU) is getting closer; especially for Asian folks.

So my partner asked me whether I wanna marry him. Well, neither yes nor no. We share the same notion that marriage is just paper and signature. 

If we devote the same amount of love to each other, there will be no difference if both of us are married or not. 

But a bimbo like me, I kinda envy when I see those wedding pictures from my friends. I want to have walk the aisle moment. I want my wedding photos to be taken on a meadows knee high.

It sounds like a fairy tale but I don't think I have that luck.

Even we have the pompous and lavish wedding, it does not guarantee an everlasting love. Regardless you are married or not, love ain't eternal. I know I sounded pessimistic here but this is the truth. People break up. People file for divorce.

I wonder simple words Til Death Do Us Part are so powerful that keep the love an eternal one. I guess the establishment of family is the vital element to put things together - to sustain the love. The establishment involves having children.

You see having children is a commitment. You will need utmost dedication, sacrifices and love to raise the children. I believe people out there will think twice to file for divorce for the sake of children. They children need a healthy environment built by two parents to grow up and to be an useful person and give back to society. I don't think people will ruin their children development and growth - though some they do.

Don't get me wrong. I don't like kids. Even I'm married somehow, I don't think I will adopt any. Well, I might be wrong - let us see how the future holds for me.

Relationship Turns Mundane

Relationship doesn't promise you rainbow and cupcakes. Fun is not what most of your relationship is going to entail. Yes, relationship is not as much fun as Disneyland.

fun. 

Maybe I'm a mundane person so my relationship tend to inside. Most of the time, it’s just going to be the two of us. I guess you also share the same situation with me. 

That’s why we need to find someone that makes the mundane fun. Someone that makes a trip to the grocery store feel like a romantic trip. 

Date the boy that you’re counting down the hours to see, even though you don’t have any plans. Even though you’re probably going to end up sitting on the couch, munching on whatever snacks you can find inside of the cabinets while playing Netflix.

Date the boy that makes you think staying in  is just as much fun as going out to the clubs. The boy that makes you think that cuddling on the couch and watching a movie you’ve seen a million times before is just as good as fighting through crowds during a premiere in IMAX.

Date the boy that takes away your FOMO. The boy that is always willing to go out with you but it is also okay when you say that you’re tired, that you’re feeling lazy, that that you would rather stay in your pajamas and hang out with only him.

Date the boy that you’re excited to sit down with and talk to about everything, even if it’s not all that interesting — about what happened at work, about the stories that your friends told you the other night when you went out for drinks.

Date the boy that you can sit in silence with, but feel still comfortable, because your hand is inside of his and your head is on his shoulder. Because you feel like you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

Date the boy that loves spending time with you one-on-one, even if there’s no sex involved. 

Date the boy that gives you a reason to laugh over the stupidest things, the boy that encourages you to tell embarrassing jokes, the boy that brings out a side of you that hasn’t been showed since you were a kid.

Date the boy that makes you say, I had such a good weekend, even if you didn’t leave the house at all that weekend. Even if you barely did anything at all.

Date the boy that you can be bored with, because with him, boring is still actually kind of 

Rising Up

By Jeric Hade Bernabe 

Life is a never ending battle between you and the uncontrollable force that creates pain to us. In general, people live with baggage on their backs. Everyday each of us pretends that things are okay. We smile, laugh and interact in spite of the demons in our heads.

It’s is never easy to wake up and face the same demons that you left the night before. But is it not the end of the world. You must keep going and push forward.

We walk in this life with pain, doubts and worries. Some are hopeless about their situations. Some are dying because of severe illnesses. Some are lonely and scared. Some are in the middle of nowhere and some are like you.

And these things brought to the realization that stereotyping is a negative energy that people are attached with.

Every single person has battles in their heads. No matter what that is, you’re not alone.

And at the end of the day, you’re your own hero. When you’re feeling low, don’t look for somebody’s hands, lift yourself up and be your number one supporter.

Every day we need to give ourselves a pat on the back. Not for achieving something or when something goes well. But we need it when no one is there but only you. Remember, life is not puppy dogs and rainbows. It gets stormy and dark sometimes.

And it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to feel everything at the same time. It’s okay to commit mistakes and mess up on something. Remember, you will always have another chance to make things right.

Life is all about rising up in spite of the ache. It’s about picking yourself after a crashing defeat. No matter what you feel, you have to get up because what remains in your life is still worth fighting for.

It is your responsibility not to give up because it is only you who decide for your life. Stay on course. Stay brave and be a warrior. There’s always hope. Again, there’s always hope.

So please do yourself a favor, never give up. You fight through the stress. You fight the anxiety. You fight all the negative circumstances in your life. You fight through the demons that are beating you down to your knees.

Rise up, just like the day. Rise up unafraid. Rise up and do it a thousand times again.

Read This When Your Future Seems So Far Away

By Angelo Caerlang

There will be moments when you will get tired of everything. There will be days when you will look at where you’re standing and you will feel like you haven’t made any progress. There will be times when you will accidentally see your reflection in the mirror and you will realize how different you look.

You will wonder where the glow in your eyes went, and when the last time you smiled was. You will recall at which point the vibrancy in your face faded. Then you will quickly feel defeated by the thought of it all.

You will feel like life doesn’t make sense to you anymore. You will lose count of how many times you’ve worked so hard, and yet, still nothing seems to be paying off. You will be sick of waiting for something different to happen in your life, something that will make you believe in yourself again, something that will keep you going.

You will grow bored of your life. You will cry over things that frustrate you. You will feel dissatisfied with where you are. You will lay in your bed, staring at your ceiling, and thinking how stuck you are in your life, in your world. You will be stressed out at how future seems so out of reach, so off the distance, so far away.

But maybe nothing in life comes easy. Maybe you’re supposed to wait for better days, and for greater things, so you can appreciate the hard work and struggles you’ve endured on your journey to get to your dream destination.

Maybe timing is trying to make you learn the value of patience.

And timing wants you to realize that you’re not going to achieve everything instantly. Sometimes it takes months or years to finally get what you want, or to arrive to the place where you heart wants you to be.

And sometimes, you just have to learn to wholeheartedly accept your situation now, and know that one day, everything will change.

One day, the tides will turn and it will feel like the world is on your side.

You are going to realize that there’s no point in looking so far ahead of you, and hoping that things are different in your life. There’s no point in sitting, fantasizing, and wishing that you can fast forward to the future.

Because you will get there eventually. Your future will look brighter than you have ever imagined. And your future will turn out to be the one you’ve always been dreaming of.

But as for now, you need to focus on your present. You need to know how to improve and strive to get better. You have to figure out the kind of person you really want to be. You have to pay attention to your heart, and learn to listen to it more often.

You need to enjoy the moments that are happening in front of your eyes, right at this second, right at this moment.

Because you don’t want to look back one day and realize you’ve lost a lot of time worrying for the things that are yet to happen. You don’t want to arrive in the future unconditioned and unprepared. You don’t want to step into the future with regrets in your heart.

You have to trust time. Trust the unknown. Trust yourself. And just let things be.

Life has a weird, yet magical way of working itself out. The thoughts that consume your mind right now will become tiny and irrelevant in the future. The opportunities that you let go will be replaced by better ones. The person who broke your heart will no longer matter to you. And you will find out that the ache in your soul hasn’t killed you.

Because you’re strong. You are a survivor. You are resilient. You are smart enough to hold on to hope, to push against boundaries, and to never ever give up. And you’re continually learning to feel okay about waiting.

I'm A Failure

"Just as you thought at good things come to an end, that's when the new chapter began".

I posted a picture of me overlooking sunset in Ipoh with caption above.

It's not a gimmicky picture with a profound picture; in fact, a new chapter of my life is about to begin. This new chapter is a vast empty page which I do not have clue what it may hold for me. But somehow, I do believe this new chapter is necessary.

Who among us are so frustrate at the situation at this very moment that you want to start all over again hoping the next chapter will be good?

I decided to start new chapter because I believe I have hit the rock bottom. This rock bottom hits hard, really hard until it woke me up. I woke up from being lie to myself that everything will be okay. I lie to myself that this is not a failure. I lie to myself that the path that I'm taking is right.

But I have to face reality. Everything is not okay. Everything is a failure. The path I'm taking is not right.

This failure has taught me so much. It taught me confidence. It taught me what matters the most in life. It taught me to open my eye wide open to see what people truly are. It taught to be responsible for yourself and people around you. It taught me comparison with your friends are not useful. It taught me to be humble. Failure taught me that I have a strong will and more discipline that I had suspected.

Yes, I'm a failure. But it doesn't mean I will be a failure next month. To overcome failure is to admit your failure. From then, you will have determination to make a difference.

Failure meant stripping away of the inessential. From failure, you will know your essentials in life. Once you know the essentials in your life, you will take action to obtain it. You will take action to keep it. You will direct all the energy in life to obtain these essentials.

Failure meant to be true to yourself. Failure makes you stop to pretend to yourself that you were not anything other than what you were.

Failure doesn't mean you are worthless nor useless. Failure is inevitable in life. It is impossible to live without failing at something - unless you lived so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are ever after secure in your ability to survive.

Don't blame yourself for the failures in your life. Accept it. Forgive yourself. You are meant for greatness. You are meant for more.

It's Official

Can you believe it - I'm attached for real. 

Maybe I jinxed it coz I didn't plan to have a relationship this year. Never thought he would entered into my life like a summer breeze in the winter that I could barely could resist.

I'm really proud and grateful to have this wonderful person to have partner. He is kind, sincere and most of all, he really loves me. I guess this is more than enough for me.

And I'm glad that I'm attached as I will distance myself from the gay community. Really, I'm planning to quit circle for quite sometime. Why?

You would know better. This community is sick. Body, looks and materials rule the day. If you don't have one of these, you don't a place in this community.

So what's next? Work as usual and you will expect a lot of lovey dovey pictures from us. Nah, it's not my style. In fact, I never posted of my partner and I together. I don't know why. Maybe I do not people out there to validate my love for my partner. My love for him and his love for me is in the realm for both of us only. I'm sorry to say this but I feel like people who always post the pictures with their partners is like they are having some of insecurity problem which they need some sort of validation from third party to ascertain their relationship is fine. 

It's late but before I end my note, for those people who are lamenting loneliness and seeking high and low for a lover, let me tell you this, love comes for those who wait - you don't even need to find them. It will come to you naturally. 

Good night.

Tale As Old As Time

After much commotion, Beauty and The Beast is not showing in Malaysia after all.

Though our Censorship Board has given its green light to screen movie after removing the gay scene but Disney decided to pulls the movie entirely from Malaysian distribution. 

Before proceed further, below is the controversial gay scene. If you don't want to turn to gay or somehow you're just plain homophobic, please don't click play:

OMG, you're gay now! Yay! Bring in the rainbow and unicorn!

To be honest, I'm really disappointed that I don't have a chance to watch this movie. Beauty and The Beast is my favourite Disney classic. I watched like thousand of times when I was small. I remember there was a rerun in 3D in silver screen couple years back and I watched that too. The dancing scene was simply magical. This remake is like the most anticipated movie for me but it has been shelved off.


Though really disappointed but I could not agree more with Disney decision.

Like seriously, cutting out the gay scene doesn't make any difference. Gay people will still be gay with or without watching that gay scene. Gay and LGBTQA+ are is part of our society whether you like it or not. Removing the scene will not remove us from the society. Removing the scene will not make us silent, in fact, it will make us louder.

I really don't get it. The Imitation Game, starred by Benedict Cumberbatch, was able to make the cut in which the main actor is gay! Let me break it down what is gay; all the Apple products are gay because Tim Cook is gay. Facebook is gay since one of the co-founder Chris Hughes is gay. PayPal is gay since Peter Thiel, co-founder is gay. Don't wear Michael Kors, he's gay. D&G gay. Armani gay.

You see, you can't escape, we are everywhere!


One of the reasons that Disney is adamant with its decision, aside in supporting LGBTQA+, I guess this movie is a tribute to Howard Ashman and Disney did not want to ruin the story who meant so much for Ashman. So who is this Howard Ashman?

Apparently, the all time classic Beauty and The Beast by Disney was inspired by the AIDS epidemic. Lyricist Howard Ashman was behind some of the most moerable songs for the 1991 movie. And it turned out he has a powerful message about acceptance that may have gone unnoticed at the time.

According to an interview with Bill Condon, who directed the new live-action Beauty and the Beast, the original animated movie was partially inspired by Ashman's own battle with AIDS. The movie originally revolved much closely around Belle. But Ashman, who was just diagnosed with AIDS before product began, thought Beast needed more of a storyline.

For Ashman, this movie was a metaphor for AIDS. Ashman was cursed and this curse had brought sorrow on all those people who loved him and maybe there was a chance for a miracle and a way for the curse to be lifted.

Not only did Ashman shape the movie's romantic storyline but it was also his idea to make the movie a musical.

Ashman's struggles as a gay man living with AIDS in the early 90s can be heard in some of his lyrics.

"Kill the Beast" reflects the fear many people had toward people living with the disease and the alienation he felt as a result.

The lyric goes:

"We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us, and this monster is mysterious at least. Bring your guns, bring your knives, save your children and your wives, we'll save our village and our lives. We'll kill the beast".

Ashman passed away on March 14, 1991. Just 4 days after the first screening of Beauty and the Beast. He won two posthumous Grammy awards. One of them was for his work on the song "Beauty and the Beast".

Ashman may also be behind Condon's decision to include an openly gay character.


Well, we shall move on and honor Disney's decision who has been supporting us. Let's reminisce our childhood once again with this beautiful song by Ashman:

Happy Couples Don’t Talk About Their Relationship On Social Media

Do you and your partner love flaunting your relationship on the internet, giving it a digital audience? Do you constantly post updates about your relationship on Instagram and Facebook? Do you give live coverage of every single thing you do with your spouse to the rest of the world- every date, every kiss, every gift, every argument? Then chances are that you are just in a fake relationship. Research shows that happy couples are more likely to spend less time on the internet and more time with each other. Here are some reasons why truly happy couples choose to keep their love-life offline, away from the prying eyes of social media.

1. They Prefer Living The Moment Instead Of Clicking Selfies Or Writing Statuses

When two people are absolutely happy with each other, they would spend more time with each other, instead of wasting precious moments uploading pictures and writing long statuses. It’s not like they shun the social media all together, but they will be less active on the internet if they actually have a life together.

2. They’re Aware That They Gain Nothing Out Of Discussing Their Problems Online

People in a real relationship are well aware of the fact that live telecasting their relationship problems will not help them solve anything, other than giving people something to laugh about. People on social media don’t really care about your problems- the moment you realize this, you and your partner will be much happier in life.

3. They Don’t Need ‘Likes’ And ‘Followers’ To Feel Happy

A couple that is truly in love does not yearn to be liked by others. Their life does not revolve around the uncontrollable need to make others feel jealous or inferior. They are happy with each other, and that’s all they need. The number of likes you get will not make your relationship stronger.

4. They Have Nothing To Prove To The Rest Of The World

When two people are happy together, they do not have to hunt for approval on public forums. They have each other, and that’s all they need. They are together because they love it, and they want to spend time with each other. They have absolutely nothing to prove to the rest of the world. That’s how all real relationships are. The moment you start using each other to portray to others that you are happy, you leave a dent in your relationship.

5. They Don’t Compare Their Relationship With Others’, Nor Compete

Most importantly, studies have found how people who are truly happy do not bother about how the other couples are doing. They do not compare themselves with other couples, nor do they see it as a competition. Your relationship is yours alone. There is no need to wave it in other people’s faces.

Article by CureJoy.com

Whenever You're Ready

"Whenever you're ready. Just let me know".

These were the words uttered by the person who I'm seeing. Yes, I'm seeing someone. 

I guess the Feng Shui master predicted right. They predicted that I would meet someone this year but I never knew it's this fast, it's still first quarter of the year.

The person is nothing come close to my wishlist except he is taller than me. Rest of his attributes do not really define my ideal kind of guy. Furthermore, I do not plan to have a relationship this year.

However, I'm planning to give an exception for this person because his sincerity changed my mind. For sure, once we're an item, he would take care of me and love me to bits.

And he stands out impressively that you wouldn't look at him as a typical gay person. 

Though I have that feeling and I do miss him every day, I didn't say "yes" to him just yet.

I feel bad sometimes for making him wait. I feel bad because he is such a nice person sometimes I feel I don't deserve him since I'm a person who have strong personalities, so it's really difficult to handle me as a boyfriend.

Maybe we take the plunge way too fast, we know each other not even close to a month and we're talking about relationship. That's why I still haven't said "yes" to him. I believe we should know each other better first. 

But does timing really matter to kick start a relationship? 

Why not get into a relationship first then only know each other better because you may miss this opportunity?

I don't know. Maybe personal issues are really bothering me right now. Same goes to him. Both of us like have so many personal problems happening at the same time. So many problems above us, don't you think it's timely to have a relationship instead of focusing time and issue to resolve the problems. But then again if both parties are together, shouldn't both parties settle the issues together - like the old saying goes "through the ups and downs".

I really don't know. But if our relationship is hard at initial stage, I believe when the rain has gone, we will love each other even better because you appreciate that person for being by your side.

It's getting late, I shouldn't think so much. But these days and weeks, I guess people around can see from my face that how happy I am that I'm in love. And I can sense that I will update my Facebook very soon. 

Today was a fairytale

I'm back after Chinese New Year break.

Come on, let my blog to have a break okay? Plus, i bet you guys are pretty sick and tired with my rantings in my blog.

Chinese New Year is over. So how was your celebration?

For me, Chinese New Year is not the same that we used to have.

I think I'm not the only one who have this sentiment.

Even for this year, there wasn't any hype and anticipation. I still can remember that the celebrations few years back were more exciting. Maybe my circle of friends are shrinking since they have established their respective families - I guess it's not right to bother them.

Alright, what's next?

Valentine's Day.

<Please hold you breath>

For once, after many years, I will have my Valentine this year.

Yes, I'm seeing someone. Nothing is official yet but that person has so much potentials. I have missed so many great things in my life and I will not miss it again.

Anyway, the Feng Shui masters that I have the luck for love this year and I never it could be so fast!

And this guy is taller than me, a head taller - it's like a dream came true!

Never in my life, I could feel so much sincerity from a guy. His sincerity is just so pure that gives me confidence that he is the right one for me to initiate a relationship.

Our first date was plain casual. But it was quite strange cause I started to miss him after we bid our farewell. And I wasn't alone. He confessed that he missed me too.

Second date was like Taylor Swift's "Today was a fairytale". Time slowed down when he was next to me. Then he said, "Do you know I love you? I really do".

Let's not jinx it okay. I hope things will work out. One thing for sure, he stands out so perfectly. He is not the common template in the gay community which physically and material driven.

Though I don't know much about him since we are still in the process to know each other but I strongly believe that if we get together as in officially, he will love me to pieces. And I strongly believe that he will be the man with shining amour who will walk with me for every storm, keeping me safe and warm.

But oh well, it's still tip of an iceberg for now but slowly and surely, we will be as one.

Happy Valentine's Day.

City of Stars

[Spoiler Alert]

The movie is so good that I need to blog about it.

Yes, I'm talking about La La Land and they have swept seven awards at Golden Globes including Best Actor and Actress in Musical or A Comedy.

I really enjoyed the movie from the beginning until the end. Trust me, I hate musical movie but La La Land is not merely a musical movie, I see it as a romantic movie. And I just love how the movie recaptured the essence of Hollywood golden era and they blended it so well into our modern time.

And of course, Ryan Gosling was such a charmer in the movie. To be honest with you, this is the first time I watched his movie and yes, I never watched The Notebook.

Did you cry at the end of La La Land?

For me, I didn't. I was rather shocked that Mia and Sebastian didn't get together in the end (the audience at the cinema went nut and shouted "NO!!!!"). But the director did give an alternate ending if both Mia and Seb were together. And the moment when Mia woke up from her imagination that flashed in the alternate ending, it just saddened me because they never got together in the end. It was even more painful to see Seb to play "City of Stars" in front of Mia.

I guess that's life. Life never promises rainbow, unicorn and cupcakes.

I could relate quite well in this movie. I see my relationships or those almost-in-a-relationship will never have its happy ending. I'm not being a pessimistic but rather I accept the fate unless someone proves me otherwise.

There's nothing you can do when the relationship is at the end of the road. Just let it go and wish your partner nothing but the best. After your partner has ended relationship with you, he or she will pursue his/her dream and eventually and definitely your former partner will find a new partner.

If you know me well, there was one special person would always have my place in my heart. Nah, we never an item though I really wished too. Anyway, I forgot when it was but I bumped into them once. When I saw them together like so happily, the best thing to do was wish them well but my mind couldn't help to flash the moments that we would have if we were together.

Don't bother.

Anyway, it is a great movie and it will be an Oscar buzz definitely. And of course, don't expect a happy ending in this movie.

Someday At Christmas

I thought I could have a very merry Christmas with special someone this year.

It was so close but it didn't happen. I can't blame since he wanted to be a dickhead and gone MIA.

Moving along - you wouldn't believe me that I don't have any plan for this Christmas right? Well, it's true and I don't even have a plan for the eve.

And for once, I'm not emo over it. Surprise right?

Even myself is also surpised that I'm not sad, I'm not emo nor I'm desperate to have someone special for this Christmas. I could foresee that it will be a lonely Christmas but I will be doing just fine for sure. I won't die just because I'm celebrating Christmas alone.

If you know me well, you know that Christmas is like a huge celebration for me since I hold it so dear to my heart. Since it was (and still is) so meaningful to me, so I always want to celebrate the Christmas Eve with someone special as that very someone special will be equally important to me as well.

But then again, as I acknowledge that love will always be hard to come to me, so I have to deal with you. My anticipation for Christmas Eve dies off as my faith to find a lover dies off. The romance and the sentimental values of Christmas seem like very hard for me to grasp. It's okay, I guess, as long my close friends have a meaningful Christmas, I would be happy for them too.

Nah, don't pity me coz I'm not doing self-pity here. Come on, at least I had romantic Christmas Eve dinners with my exes.

Until today, I still cannot forget one particular person who celebrated Christmas Eve with me without any planing many years back. I still could recall the feeling of anticipation waiting for him at the gate. I never thought I could have that privilege to celebrate Christmas Eve with him. I was the happiest person walking on the Earth on that fateful Christmas Eve. We took so many pictures over the dinner.

 Sigh, if I could only turn back time. Come to think of it, I miss him the most at Christmas time. You know last week, I walked pass the restaurant we spent our Christmas Eve together. I guess after all these years, there are no one can compare with you for whom could bring me so much happiness in my life. The memories  I had with you are vividly emblazoning in my mind as Christmas comes ever year.

Okay don't talk about the past - move forward.

I'm not sure there's such thing called Christmas Miracle. If it does exists, please happen quick, like make it happens tomorrow!

Before I end my note, have yourself a very little Christmas and make this season bright.

Those Christmas Lights

I thought I could have someone special this coming Christmas.

It didn't happen.

Christmas used to be my favourite celebration with so much anticipation.

It's already December and sadly, it doesn't feel Christmas at all for me though everyone has started to sing Deck The Halls.

Maybe I've given up on Christmas. I feel like it doesn't belong to me. They say Christmas is meant to be jolly but for me, it's a plain disappointment, again and again.

There's no one to be blamed as biggest culprit for my disappointment is myself. I know it sounds desperate but I always have this wish every year that my Christmas Eve I could have someone special next to me.



Maybe I watched too much romantic movies - you know those movies in which the guy will finally appear in front of the girl on Christmas Eve and they lead a happily ever after. I guess I won't have that luck to have that kind of spectacular happy ending.

It's okay, I'm not self-pity here. I have disowned Christmas so it seems. On the brighter side, I won't be having that stress on how to celebrate my Christmas. I don't even have to fight for a table at a fancy restaurant with its remarkably marked-up price. Yay!

For time being, I'm that strong to say that I'm okay to celebrate Christmas alone or forgo this celebration but when Christmas comes, I know I would be deadly emo scrolling those Facebook updates.


It's good to feel that you're special for special someone on a very special. I don't have that luck this year. For those who have that luck, please cherish it. I had that very special someone before but he got someone else that who is more special than me.


My chandelier of hope have long gone diminished. I've stopped waiting long time ago. But if I have any luck or any fate, I hope those Christmas lights could light up the street and lead you back to me.  I miss you the most at Christmas time. And I miss that very Christmas Eve night in which you were mine...

We're lovin' it

Come 30th November 2016, Ipoh folks will bid farewell to their first  McDonald's.

If you were born in 80s and 90s and you lived in Ipoh, I believe this news is rather hard for you to swallow. This is not a regular McD. This McD played a big part in our childhood. As we learnt that the restaurant is closing down, our  cherished childhood memories are like the chalk drawing on the blackboard that we are so reluctantly to wipe it off.

This 30-year old fast food restaurant, occupying at a majestic building in the middle of city, is a time capsule that brings us back to our childhood.

I would be the happiest kid on earth whenever my mother brought me there. I remember that McEgg (different from today version) would be definitely my first choice of order. I still could recall that the packaging for Happy Meal was so attractive that you could build a house where the toys lived in. There was a upstairs during early days in which there would be a yellow slide and children balls pool waiting for me. Not forgetting the ice cream corner underneath the staircase in which the cream was much taller.

These were the memories for my childhood. It felt so innocent, joyful and carefree every time I recall it. Whose childhood memories weren't happy to be recalled?

I went there yesterday, it was filled with people. People were taking photos and they brought their younger children along. I bet those mummy and daddy were telling their children;

 "Son, this was the happiest place when I was a kid".

As I was queuing to make my order, so many memories flashing since the counter is still at the same place as before. I remember my mom would carry me up to choose my order back then. I was able to stand tall to make my order - well, she was looking for a place. Indeed I've grown up.

Memories are past and there's no valid reason for us to hold it on. The past is a handful of dust. It filters through your fingers little by little.

Thank you so much for the memories and you have left a mark in every Ipoh people's heart. You will be missed.

Rejection, Fake Promise

Lightning never strikes the same place twice. True love is a gift but many of us just let us slip away.

I believe you and I have shared many common stories. That common stories that go "we almost have him but it didn't work out the way we wanted to".

Have you ever wondered why we came into that situation so often until we doubt and give on love?

I can assure you if you have the body and money, definitely, the outcome will be different. If you have both assets, I don't even need the effort to please people to love you. In fact, people will please you instead. You don't even need waste your time to tackle that particular person that you like. In fact, you can engage into a relationship with just snap of a finger.

Sadly, you and I don't have the body and money. We left idle and despair in this gay community.

And more often we became an item on the shelves that we are ever exposed to let people to play with our feeling. Well, you may think that you hit the jackpot that someone came into your life and pick you from the shelves. You are wanted. You are loved.

But as the excitement runs out or trial period expires, you are left aside or even dumped. You are worthless. You are unwanted.

I'm not being pathetic here but I'm just sharing my views here and I believe you would agree with me or maybe you are that item on the shelves. Don't worry, you're not alone.

But let me tell you this, during that trial period, we never did anything wrong. We treated those people who we liked with goodwill along with sincerity regardless what is the outcome eventually. The outcome could be a hand to hold or hitting on the solid ground. We never choose to give up as the word "believe" could be so powerful. Only the people who we like are so faithless to believe that things could work.

I know it takes two to tango. If one party doesn't want to, you can't force him. Being a typical Aquarian, once you wanted something, you would achieve it no matter what.

Before I end my note, if people reject you many times or people have blocked you or even getting rid of you, don't feel worthless, don't ever see yourself like that. You are priceless and worthy for others - your friends, your family members.

When people rejected you, do not be despair for too long. Rejections are the game of love that can't be avoided. Don't see rejections negatively. Rejection doesn't mean you aren't good enough; it means that other person failed to notice what you have to offer.

But through these rejections, it make you go stronger and wiser. I believe God signifies those rejections as you were not meant for those who people who rejected you. They never saw good in you. I believe He wanted you to walk this broken road to lead you to a person who is more loving and more deserving.

Always keep these words with you - rejection doesn't hurt, expectation does. Lying doesn't kill, denial does. Forgetting doesn't heal, forgiveness does.

Happiness - The Treadmill of Life

You may see people who live in a big house as a sign of happiness. But does the living hall filled with laughter among the family members?

You may be envy to know that your friend has a very good looking boyfriend. But how sure are you that very good looking boyfriend is treating you friend good?

You may be jealous that your friend is driving a nice car. But can you see the amount of burden of your friend to repay the car loan?

I believe many of us define happiness as how many physical assets that we can own. That is why we work so hard to strive those physical assets that we dream of. By God's grace, even we achieve to obtain physical materials eventually, sadly, those physical materials won't be able to talk to you. They will remain as physical materials even when you are sad and even when you need a nice warm hug.

That's why I don't limit my happiness in the perimeter of physical assets. It's beyond that. It's the quality time you spend with your family members at the dining table. It's the moment you hold your lover's hand. 

Sometimes we see the world as a very sad place. It seems that the world has lost its humanity. There's no love. There's no happiness. It seems happiness has left us.

When the world and the people has turned its back on you, hopelessness and sadness ensue. Happiness is out of reach. 

Try to brighten up my child. Happiness is inside all of us. Sometimes, you need someone to help you to find it. I hope I have found that very person...

Let Go

When you have the intention to commit into a relationship but you have hesitation to do so.

I guess I'm not the only one who have this hesitation. Even the person that I'm seeing, he's not ready.

There are many reasons we have this hesitation. One of it gonna be that we are afraid to be hurt again.

You see, once we've been hurt, we swore that we would never fall in love again. We would build the tallest wall to safeguard our heart from being hurt again. I guess it's just a human nature to protect ourselves from being hurt again. Even the opportunity comes, we tend to avoid it since our scars remind us that the pain is real.

Once bitten, twice shy - as people may call it. But the question here is  when we should be ready? Would it be fair for the person or even for yourself to bring the past and let the past to be a hindrance to grasp the opportunity?

If we can't let go the past and keep bringing the past in the road ahead, it would be even more hurtful and worse still, you are giving the person who hurt you the credit. The credit that he is so important in your life that you still can't let go even now.

I believe for those who have been hurt before like me, it's time to tear down those walls.

Love is Colour Blind

Every now and then, strangers will ask me whether I'm Malay or Chinese.

I'm totally fine people questioning me about my race. To make it clear here, I'm pure Chinese. And I know I can't speak Mandarin and I have big eyes (not single eye-lid) which make people mistaken me as Malay.

I'm totally fine because I'm a Malaysian. There's no need to give much concern of what race I am, Malaysian first, my race comes second. I believe Malaysia wouldn't come into this stage if those bigots could put Malaysian first and race second.

Alvin, if you put Malaysian first, your race second - why not get a partner which is not your race?!

I have no problem with that actually. And people who are close to me know that I have preference towards certain race and that race is the majority race here.

As old saying goes "Love is Blind", if you're strong believe in this phrase, you have to
be colour blind in love.

I do not believe that the colour of one's skin is the factor for your to consider your partner. Underneath the skin, it's the common love that we share across the universe - the devotion, the sincerity, the care and the adoration.

But this is Malaysia. I believe if my partner is a typical Malay or Indian, people will have those staring eyes. I know even my friends will question me.

You know I don't care right.

Anyhow, I hope things could work out for me. Yes, I'm seeing someone lately who is not same race with me.But it's to tell whether we could be there.

For what I know at this moment,  I miss him a lot.

Back Into Love

Don't you think it's rather heartwarming to see an actual proposal?

I witnessed one the other day. When I was dining for a belated birthday dinner with my friends at Signature, The Roof, suddenly, people with balloons slowly walking into the restaurants. Then, as usual, it was suprised for the lass followed by the lad on his bended knee. 

Of course the lass said "yes". The whole restaurant clapped for them and they had my applause. Though I didn't know them but I really felt happy for both of them.

So they had my applause of blessing and happiness, when is my turn to have that kind of applause for myself?

You know it's the end of the year. And it's monsoon season. It starts to rain. As the heavy droplets of the rain fall angrily to ground, it wakens the world inside of me, and the world is named 'love'.

I have to admit here, someone caught my attention lately, not only my attention but my heart as well.

Well, it's still tip of the iceberg, I can't really assure that this could work or not. Hopefully, it won't be a lonely Christmas this year.

"Accidentally in love" and that's how I fell in love. 

You see we just started as friends, nothing serious, it was merely casual friends. But as the days gone by, I started to get more concerned over him.

I didn't know why it really broke my heart when he told me that he had a boyfriend. My whole just collapsed. It felt like as if the most precious thing I ever owned is taken off by someone else. And I felt like part of me has became hollow as he broke the news to me.

But then again, something happened between him and his boyfriends, the relationship didn't work. I know he was really heartbroken, but he didn't realize that I was even more heartbroken to see him heartbroken. 

My day isn't complete if I could not hear from him. I really miss him when we are apart and we are apart most of the time, that's why, I always lock myself in the room nowadays and just thinking of him. 

I know to say "I love you" is inappropriate at this juncture and he must heard these words hundred times before, so do I. And you've been hurt and so your heart has chose to close the door. Love broke your heart and brought you lies. 

You with your sad eyes. It's cute for me but I know deep down inside of you, you're discouraged. It's hard to take courage again, even for me, in a world of full of people and liars. 

But if you have a moment, just look into my eyes. You'll see a love that's deep and true; tender and strong all for you. And when you reach for love, you will only need to reach for me. I hope my tiny arms will not let you down.

You never walk alone. I'll walk with you through every storm. From my heart, I promise you I'll be there, for you, just for you. I'll never ever make you cry. 

And whenever I smile, you will be the reason, and always will be. And please don't ever let anyone to take your smile away. Coz you have no idea how many people have fallen with your smile.

Before I end my note, I would like to end with this beautiful cover by Justin Timberlake and Anna Kendrick. 

"And I see your true colours shining through. I see your true colours and that's why I love you. So don't be afraid to let them show. True colours are beautiful like rainbow"

Don't be sad and afraid as you still have me.