Even it leads nowhere

I think it's pretty hard to be my another half as I don't really share my problems with anyone. It's like finding a needle in a haystack to discover my problem. I feel bad sometimes that my partner is trying his best to understand but i just refuse to share it out. Sometimes it is really bad that i will throw tantrum at him for no reasons. I think he better thinks twice to move along the path with me as i throw tantrum a lot and when mood-swing strikes me, it's very unbearable. 

Likewise, I'm really sorry for him as I'm emo most all the time. I also don't know why this emo-ness shrouding me like everyday. Maybe I'm just a little flightless bird - everything that i wanted so much seems like out of reach for me. I do get envy sometimes for the things I don't have. Even though I have the capabilities but some shit will eventually happen so - no matter how hard i try, I'll go back to square one. If i were ever to start all over again, i hope people who are close to me can give their supports and not be judgmental from A to Z. I believe we only live once and time is short, why don't let me to try something new? A change will make you good sometimes.

It's really tired sometimes to find the reason to be truly happy. I miss the smile on my face - the true smile that engraved  by my own happiness. Really, it's been awhile that I have that laughter. I'm not implying my partner is a dickhead for failing to give me happiness. He has always been the source of my happiness but my life could not be relying on him all the time for all those intangible needs.