Thursday, February 28, 2013

I didn't give up. I moved on.

Before you scroll down further, you probably think that this entry is about you, don't you?

You're so vain. This ain't about you!

Anyway, in my previous entry , i blog that how long the friendship should go before the confession of your feelings.

Alright, you confessed and got rejected and you moved on. You indulge yourself with work, maximize your spared time with your friends or even slutting around with others if you're the wild one. It seems that your everyday life turns out to be great and it seems that you need no man in your life. It looks like you have moved on but did you give up? Moved on doesn't mean you have given up.

You see, you thought it is all over when you already bid farewell to your effort to get him. You fake your smiles and tell your friends that you're over with him -moved on! But honestly tell me, could you go a day without the face whose rejected you going through your mind?

Though you seem you are fine without him but deep down inside you, his voice and his touch and those beautiful memories are with you all the time. If you have given up, you wouldn't have a slightest thought of him - he would just vanish in the haze in your mind. If you have given up, you wouldn't have slightest thought to have him next to you. You just moved on without really given up.

Okay, you tried get over him by looking for others (as a re-bounce per se) but everywhere you looked and every way you took, he is all that you see.

Move on is telling your physical body to get over it and stop meeting him, giving up is telling your heart and mind to stop harboring feelings on him. Don't think too much. If both of you are really meant to be together, eventually, it will be.

If getting over him is for the best, why he is still in your heart and still in your soul?

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

CNY 2013 : Year of Snake

Sometimes, the preparation and the anticipation for a celebration is more joyful compared to the actual celebration.

Yeah, it’s true. Like Chinese New Year, everyone was so gear up and gung ho to prepare for new lunar calender celebration. And when it hit the tai nien chor yat (first day of CNY), the clock was like giving the turbo to the time so the time could fly in a blink of an eye.

So here we are – the the third day after Chap Goh Meh. How was your celebration throughout the 15 days?
I bet that you have put on unwanted weight with countless amount of feasts you had during CNY.

I share the same fate with you. My tummy is like 5 months pregnancy. Let me share with you the feasts and my simple but yet meaningful Chinese New Year 2013 – the year of the snake with you.

Chinese New Year’s Eve

The yearly exodus again. I slept at 1am and woke up at 330 am to join the thousands motorists to slowly crawl back to hometown. Compared to last year, this year is better as our journey only took 4 hours (last year 6 hours).

Thought to have nice long nap when i reached home in Ipoh but once i was about shut my eyes, my mom already asked me to prepare for reunion lunch.

Talk about the lunch, we had it at  Restoran Bukit Tambun, Jalan Kuala Kangsar. Please don't ever go there. Before this, i mean years ago, we used to frequent this seafood restaurant as it served good food and fresh seafood. However, we stopped going there because the lady staff who took our order was very rude. So we thought she would be fired years after, but no, the bitch is still there. She is rude, put our food on the dining table without any gentleness  and she doesn't smile. Imagine on the eve of CN and served by a woman who look like her father just passed away. So please don't go there and the food is not that nice anymore.

CNY Reunion Lunch

The best thing to do on CNY's Eve - unwrapping the hampers! 
LAter in the evening, i joined billions of Chinese worldwide to have the yearly reunion dinner. As usual, it was all simple home cook food without any opulence (though we had abalone) and with much humility and gratitude to gather once again for this meaningful occasion. It was bit an emotional scene as my grandma and my uncle weren't there for reunion dinner but anyhow, life goes on.

Spice reunion dinner up with Sambal Petai with Prawn and Udang

First day of CNY

I know the usual practice is too bain nian (visiting) on the first day of CNY but my family doesn't really practice it - so i woke up quite late. I could have slept until noon but fireworks didn't allow me to so. Really, CNY this year was pretty quiet in Ipoh - ain't no why. Even i could purchase I Love Hong Kong 2013 movie tickets on the first day of CNY! So before movie at night with my family,  i just sat at home, watched TV and ate the items below:
Nga ku (Fried arrowhead)
Honeycomb biscuits
Aside from cash, this year i bought my mom a packet of Garret pop corn - caramelized almonds. Gone within a day 

Second day of CNY

I love CNY so much coz you could do nothing for the whole day! Like me, i spent my whole day in front of TV on the second day. Only went out to have my dinner with my mom and had my Yee Sang for the first time in the snake year.

Yee Sang at Sushi King. One of the restaurants that offered individual set of Yee Sang. Nice!
Since it is new attraction for Ipoh folks, Kinta Riverfront was so packed during CNY. I was surprised that they even had few pubs there namely The Sands which has nothing to do with Singapore. Pity those people who live there, it is so noisy! BTW, my ex lives nearby. In his face!

Third day of CNY

I know it would be silly to have karaoke session during CNY as it would be very very expensive. But we were so bored, so we paid the sky rocketing price to sing our lungs out!

My ex-classmates and I would have our class gathering on every third day of CNY but the attendance keep dropping each and every year - this year is the worst.

To avoid the low turnout and to celebrate our 10th anniversary of our friendship next year, i discussed with one of my ex classmates, why not we had it at my house! I don't mind to get a lion dance troupe to    commemorate our 10th year of friendship.

Fourth day of CNY

It is been long time since i accompanied my mom at market, so i took the time off to shop with her at the market.

We've got this for salmon sashimi at home
I even had the chance to have my favourite BBQ pork char siew at Yeung Wei in Gunung Rapat

Fifth day of CNY

It was Valentine's Day. I'm single as always so i just sat at home and blog  this sentimental entry:

Click here to read my emo Valentine's Day post

Sixth day of CNY
Downtown of Ipoh was total chaos since few of the main roads were close for the Najib visit. Such a nuisance - sial betul. Really, just compare the traffic flow before and after the closure

Before road closure
After road closure 

But anyhow, i managed to get into the town and met up with my junior at my favourite place Burps and Giggles. And my gosh, the owner there is so young, hot and cute!!! I should have a long entry blog about this restaurant, if i have time.

Seventh day of CNY

Also known as Yan Yat (human day) - Chinese believe that human is created on the seventh day of Chinese New Year. Nothing much hoo haa for me, just met up with my grand dad for a simple dinner. My grand dad is really old,  i think in his 90's now but he still can walk and cycle and he is the only person in the world who address me in my chinese name.

My grandpa personally passed me the ang pow. The outcome for this year  is not that positive-slight drop

Seventh day of CNY

Also known as Yan Yat (human day) - Chinese believe that human is created on the seventh day of Chinese New Year. Nothing much hoo haa for me, just met up with my grand dad for a simple dinner. My grand dad is really old,  i think in his 90's now but he still can walk and cycle and he is the only person in the world who address me in my chinese name.

Eighth day of CNY

The most miserable day ever in 2013 as it was the last day for me in Ipoh. Yes, i've to re-adapt to the KL's fast-pace lifestyle again. No more sleep at 4 am. No more wake up at 12 pm. No more home cook food. No more Astro. No more Kardashian marathon. And my Monday blues was so bad until i couldn't sleep even at 2 am! But also thanks to the bombardment of fireworks to celebrate the Jade Emperor birthday. My neighbour is really rich. Burning up the money - not those small tiny fireworks but it was those fireworks that could make huge loud boom!

Imagine this huge fireworks at 1 am

Ninth day of CNY

I have no idea how many times that i yawned during the first day of work after the long break. Gosh, it was like Mr Sandman flirting with me. I think i didn't do anything on the first day. Too sleepy!

14th day of CNY

Finally the weekend! To celebrate the remaining days before Chap Goh Meh, i went to i-city to catch the fireworks and of course, to have some fun there. Aside from the LED lights, i really enjoyed the 3D trick museum which the paintings are drawn in 3D angle so it would trick your mind and sight to believe that the subjects in the drawings are popping out. To know more about i City, Shah Alam, please click here

Sunflower glowing in the dark - nice epicture right?

I'm in Avatar

The happy and energetic God of Prosperity before CNY

The emo and tired God of Prosperity at the end of CNY

So here we are, back to reality and back to work. Aside from long break and the food, what i like about CNY is that the togetherness. I could see happy families everywhere with so much laughter. At one second, i would think that life is indeed beautiful. Those who work afar all come back here to unite once again to spend real quality time with parents and the relatives. I guess this spirit will never die for more generations to come.

Before i end my note, i know CNY has past and it is so wrong to put a CNY song but i really like this song a lot because it is so simple but yet beautiful. As this song goes, no matter sunshine or rainy days, i wish you everyday is a good day.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

More than friends, but not lovers

Before you scroll down this entry, i swear to God that this entry has nothing to do with my circle friends and with my past, well a little.

People say that if you love a person, make friend with him/her - see how things go before develop further into a relationship.

Alright, i think many of you will skip the friendship part and have the guts to confess your feelings to your crush. Whereas, others would be more conservative and take things  one step at a time by being friends.

So how long the friendship will be before the confession?

For my case, i used to be adventurous - brazenly confessed my feelings to the ones that i crushed on. Well, i was lucky for once but the rest was total disaster and epic embarrassment.

So i learned my lesson in the hard way, i took things slow thereafter - start off with friends first.

However, don't you think sometimes we are staying in the comfort zone by being just friends or best friends?

Look, you use your silence by hiding your feelings towards him and that person will forever think that you're just his friend, unless you're acting pretty obvious that you like him.

The pros to conceal your feelings is that you can spend quality with him and do the crazy things together - dinner, movies, trying new things out and even traveling together. I've been there before, i know it sounds like a fool or a cheapskate but trust me, you will be at cloud number nine whenever you're with him.

As the silence is moving along with time, you will ask yourself : should i confess? Is this the right time?  if i confess, would he be frightened and there will be no friendship and hang out together?

As the friendship is moving along with time, you will ask yourself: how much longer will this quality time will last? You will know someday he will be taken by someone else - well, at least you cherish every second you spent with him as you know sooner or later, he will be out of you life.

There's nothing you could when he is really taken by someone else. Falling from cloud nine and get up again. At least, you have the quality time spent together. Quality time doesn't last, so cherish it. When time's up, handover the quality time to the person he loves - if you love him, you will be happy to see him happy as well with the person he loves.

Please don't set fire on the bitch who takes him away!

If you're reading this and you're currently in this situation, you need the most patching up. Don't worry, i feel you because i was once broken too.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Call me tubby man!

To my friends, what you've seen the physical aspect of me is true. Yes, i've put on weight and sadly to say, i have a pretty obvious tummy.

Look, i'm living in a sedentary lifestyle, i don't go to gym and i don't exercise and after lunch, i will sit like hours until work ends with my filled stomach. And good Lord, i'm always hungry when i'm about to sleep and i'm even munching CNY leftover biscuits while i'm writing this entry. My lifestyle literally contributes a lot to my tummy.

Will i be a tubby old man in the future? Oh yeah, flap my tummy..piak piak piak....

I know i should take pride of physical body but not the tummy! hello! It's heinous

To be honest, i really envy those gym guys who have 6 sexy abs, well, at least fine lines crossing along their stomach.

Maybe i should heed the general gay call to hit the gym.Or maybe i should follow some of my friends who are undergoing gym at home. Who is the trainer? Youtube of course. Not to say they have ideal bodies like those gym goers but at least the body is firm.

I just want my body to be firm and minimize my tummy, that's all.

God's willing, if i ever have those firm and little abs body, i'm wondering i will take off my shirt and cam whore and instagram it...then i will like, it's Alvin, bitch! Check out my abs. Check out my broad shoulder!

Lol....i promise myself that i willl be decent virtually, so no free show in Facebook or whatsoever.Self confidence does not built within the muscles on the body but in yourself. Look, it will be superficial if someone is interested to hook up with you for your sexy body and not the virtues that you have.

Anyway,gonna hit the sack..bye (actually, i'm going downstair for chocolate in the fridge)

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Grammy 2013: The Beauty and the disaster

I just can't get enough of Joan Rivers on E! 's Fashion Police. She is bitchy, mean but yet adorable! I would be very proud if I could be half as bitchy like her.

Anyway, you watched the Grammy few days ago? Not to say the best Grammy ever but i really enjoyed the performances throughout the three hours show. Justin Timberlake made a sexy back return with a dual powerhouse performance with Beyonce. Alicia Keys and Maroon 5 set the night on fire with the mashed up of Daylight and Girl on Fire. Ed Sheeran belting out my favourite song The A Team with Elton John. Not forgetting, the debut Grammy performance by The Lumineers!

Aside being the Music's Biggest Night, Grammy is also a red carpet focal point for fashion and style. Unlike the Oscar or Golden Globe which is more demure and formal i would say, Grammy is the platform for the stars to embody Rock and Roll fashion to strike a pose at the red carpet.

Below are few of those worth to be noticed - both positively and horror fashion disaster. I'm not a fashionista person, i just tell it as it is - thanks to Joan Rivers!

Kimbra - tutus are growing up from her dress...cut it  (Picture:

Kelly Rowland got the best dress from the Fashion Police! (Picture:

Florence Welch -Abe Sapien from Hellboy comes alive! 

I don't know about you but Carly Rae Jepsen got the wrong call - the dress is  too old and too formal for her (

Finally, Adele is not in black! (Picture:

Carrie Underwood - i think it's little bit too old for her, what do you think? (Picture: pmchollywoodlife)

Mr Suit and Tie Justin Timberlake is simply classy. I mean really,   he is the most well-dressed male celebrity today!  (

Taylor Swift - I'm really afraid that she will write a song about me if i critcize her dress. So to save myself,  i just gotta say - she is beautiful, she nails it! (Picture:

Jennifer Lopez, oh J Lo. Angelina Jolie did this pose before and it is her trademark (Picture:

Many fashion critiques are disappointed. Come on it's Beyonce, she should do more on Grammy not just chessboard on her body (Picture:

Oh my Katy! She goes green in Gucci. Queen of the boobs  for the night!  (

Rihanna looks stunning like a diamond in the sky in this red dress  (Picture:

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Fake Smiles on Valentine's Day

So people are asking me whether i have any date for Valentine's Day. I'm single and there ain't no men out there who wanna date me. Sounds sad huh?

Nah, i'm not. I'm quite comfortable being alone on Feb 14.

I've been sleeping on my bed instead with my unshaved chin writing this lonely entry.

Anyway, it's rather entertaining to read other's Facebook postings lamenting how lonely and how sad they are since they gonna spend the Valentine's night without any date.

I used to be one of them. Crying and even emo over lonely Valentine. But now, i really no idea what's the hype about. I thought we should treat our another half consistently like every day basis with devotion and love. Why we need to be extra good and extra passionate on Valentine's Day?

I think you guys are pretty influenced or even pressured by the peers and money-grubber commercial monsters. Really, it's such a waste of time to queue/book for a table at restaurant and geez, why spending so much on chocolate, flowers and teddy bear. Love doesn't last long, why bother so much to pump in so much money.

Even if i have a partner, i don't think i would make  Feb 14 as something so grand. Don't even think that i will buy any Valentine gift. Maybe that's why i'm still single coz there is no romance in my damn life.

I'm always  the spectator of other people's romance. I'm not that lucky to have my own kinda romance.

I always wanted to explore the sentiment of romance with the person that i like but i never really have the chance. Well, i did - i spent my Valentine with my ex in Pulau Pangkor, romantic right? Romance will not guarantee for a long lasting relationship coz we broke up in the end.

Back to present, why not i date the person that i really like for Valentine?

I know he doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day. Furthermore, he is attached. Please don't awww for me.

So whenever i see him,  i will fake a smile so that he won't see that i have been hiding so much inside. I hope the person that he is currently dating is beautiful. I'm dying of jealously, really, because that person has everything that i have to live without. That person should hold him tight and give all the love in the world because there is other person out there who is dying to be with him.

For Pete's sake, it's Chinese New Year. Don't get so emo.

Alright, so i end my entry with a love song by Siti Nurhaliza. I like her a lot!!! The song is Aku Cinta Padamu ( I love you). I know it sounds cliche but the song is one of my favourite Malay songs and i think that he knows why i choose this song.

Suasana sepi begini di hari kekasih, penahan rindu menusuk hati, tak mungkin kau sedari.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Happy Chinese New Year!

I would like to take this opportunity to convey my warmest wishes to my Chinese friends (and you  reading this) who are celebrating Chinese New Year today.

As snake famed for its wisdom in Chinese culture, may this year we will be wise enough to tackle and to slitter through the challenges ahead of us in the Year Of Snake.

Please do enjoy yourself in this Chinese New Year as this will be the last major festival before we are heading to 13th General Election in MArch. I bet after Chinese New Year, the political bickering will be intensified for the final showdown.

Sorry, got carried away. So make this short, i end this auspicious entry on auspicious day with a Chinese proverb:

"A Wise man makes his own decisions; an ignorant man follows public opinion"

May you choose the path to succes like always! Kong Hei Fatt Choi!

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Nobody Touch The Dog - Stop Dog Cruelty and Tortures in China

Throughout our lifetime, dogs have been with us through our ups and downs. They are our comfortable  huggable fluffy friend when we're having a tough day. They also bring us joy and laughter whenever they do their silly faces and tricks. They are also our guardian in keeping our home safe and sound.

They have been there for us but have we been there for them?

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Dogs are beloved and most pampered pet in Malaysia, however their friends in China are otherwise.

Although dogs (and cats alike) are increasingly taken as a household pet by middle class Chinese but millions of the mentioned animals are end up on the dining plate. Dogs especially are sold at markets daily across China. They are  beaten to death, boiled alive, stabbed and strangled on the spot, and cruelly bound with wire and stuffed into sacks to be slaughtered at restaurants.

Please spare us two minutes of your valuable time to watch this video.

Gruesome? The dogs featured in the video are just tip of an iceberg of the other million dogs which share the sad and cruel fate.

It's time for us to speak for them.

Though we could not stop this menace at once but please do join me and 80,000 people and counting who are voicing out at Nobody Touch The Dog - Stop Dog Cruelty and Tortures in China campaign. We are heading 1 million signatures petition to convey a message to Mr Obama and Mr Barroso in pressuring China to make this torture stop.

To sign the petition, please click here

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Things that i don't like during CNY

I guess my Chinese friends are pretty stressed up lately since the Chinese New Year is coming and they have to juggle between work and never ending preparation for CNY.

For me, it is pretty settle now. I did my spring cleaning over the weekend but still got lots to do to make my room sparkling clean. And thank God, i managed to trick my sister to shop for my CNY clothes, now only left a pair of shoes to complete my CNY shopping.

Sounds tiring eh? It is. Preparation for CNY is just a tip of an iceberg of the thing that i don't like for CNY.

I guess you also share the fimiliar dislikes about CNY

Hot weather

Praise the Lord that the weather has been kind to us lately. Remember few weeks back, we were like few inches away from the surface of the sun. I know it is a good gesture to wear new nice clothes on the first day of CNY but the brand new cotton will not have mercy on you.

Fat Ass

The word 'fat' has a good connotation for Chinese during Chinese New Year. Fat in Cantonese is "fei", so the auscipuos saying will be 'Kor Fei Nien" - Have a loaded CNY. Likewise, many try to avoid to be fei during CNY, esp me. Really, adding few pounds on the joyous occasion is invitable. Look, nothing is healthy on the dining table during the feast. Fried Nien Gao (Sticky cake), fried chicken, fried arrowhead, tang yuen (glutinous ball) and the list goes on.

The same old questions from relatives

When you're doing visiting, please prepare the answers on the repetative questions that will be forwarded by your relatives on every CNY.

For single: Got boyfriend/girlfriend ah?

Proposed answers: No time, career first / I'm gay / I'm lesbian / My elder brother still hasn't got any girlfriend also / I'm dating with your daughter

For attached: When you plan to get married?

Proposed answers: No time, career first / I'm gay, Malaysia doesn't allow gay marriage / I'm lesbian, Malaysia doesn't allow gay marriage / My elder brother still hasn't married / Your daughter is not ready to get married

For married couples who still don't have offspring: When to get baby? (blatantly ask)

Proposed answers: No time to take care of a child / Man and man cant produce / Girl and girl cant produce/ My elder brother still hasn't any child also / Your daughter is not productive

For married couples who have only on child : When to get another one?

Proposed answers: No time to take care of an another child / My elder brother  got one child only, you ask him to get more first / Ask your daughter

The Feng Shui tips

Don't be shy, just admit it. You do browse or take notice on the CNY horoscope, don't you? Me too. I'm really curious what the Feng Shui masters say about my zodiac every year. There is saying in Chinese that goes  'Feng Shui master  cheats you for eight or ten years". So no matter how good they say, it will end up in different way eventually, for me. Sometimes, too many sources on the horoscope -some say good and some say otherwise, it's pretty confusing you know. Tell you what, just believe in God.

Traffic jam

You know the homecoming trip for Chinese in China is the world largest's migration with over 220 million Chinese taking the train ride during festive period? In Malaysia, though the number is far more lover but it is estimated that the PLUS North South Expressway will be flooded with 1.4 million vehicles!

That's why, every year, going back to my hometown is like never ending journey. The traffic is disastrous! Usually, my journey back to Ipoh is just mere two hours but on the pre -CNY, my record is five hours!

The Protocol in addressing your relatives

My paternal family is huge in Penang, so sometimes i do not have any idea who they are though my mom has always been explaining to me like every year. So i will slow down my pace before saying hi to my relatives and check with my mom how to address them. The worst thing is the kids who supposed i'm related with- since when got little kids one? Where do they come from?

You're aging

This coming year will be the year of snake. Please don't recall what you did in the previous snake year, it was 12 years ago! The animal zodiac is not cute at all. They serve as a recalling factor on what you did 12 years ago, 24 years ago, perhaps 36 years ago. You know what, you're getting older each and every CNY.

No matter how bad i lament about CNY but this is why CNY is so special. You don't really care be drowning in sweat with your new clothes during visiting because it is a good sign to kick start a brand new year with brand new clothes. You don't really care on how fattening the food on the dining table because calories come second, the joy of sitting down together with family and friends and have a heartwarming meal is priceless. You don't really care on the repetitive questions directed by your relatives because you know they really want to catch up with you since the last met. You don't really care you're aging because one year older is one year wiser and you're more successful than last year. You don't really care how bad the traffic is because you know that your father and mother are waiting for you at home for the reunion dinner.

Let's end my note with one of my favourite childhood CNY songs. P/S Danny Koo is really cute.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Cheery Chap Stick at Gym

Recently, some people said that my body look rather fit. I've got to admit this. I have been training at home secretly. Doing sit ups and push ups almost like everyday.. Well, i'm not shy to reveal my body now.

Ladies and Gentlemen, behold, the hottest body ever!

Sorry to say, the picture above isn't my body. I just randomly grab it from Jack D'. 

Trust me, i don't have that kinda body. In fact, nobody will be attracted by my physical body attributes. My body frame is rather small and my shoulders are rather steep and i think i have little tummy. Come on, tummy is inevitable for all men out there. It's hard you know, though i can resist eating but the baby inside my tummy has to eat also right?

So i have been thinking to join gym. Actually i have been thinking about this for few years now.

Yeah, i do get jealous sometimes that when i come across boys/men with hot body. My jealousy will trigger my craving in which eventually those bodies i crave for will end up on my bed. Just joking. 

Hitting the gym is a good thing - exercise to maintain a healthy body and to build my body.  And that's the only good thing about gym.

And here is the bad thing about gym. 

First of all, it's expensive. I'm not a rich boy and i barely make ends meet. If not mistaken, the market rate for membership today is close to RM 200 (or more) per month. In long run, it sums up to RM2,400 per year. I can do a lot of things with that amount of money.

I never really step into the gym before but i heard a lot of stories about gym. Yes, it is infested with gay men. The more i hear, the dirtier my perception is on the gym. Apparently, the shower rooms are just covered by shower curtain and sometimes, the sicko gay men will open the shower curtain while you're bathing in the pretense that they didn't know that the shower cubicle is occupied. And that's it - your birdy is exposed.

And apparently, they do blow job (or anal intercourse) in the shower cubicle itself! WTH? That's my fantasy!! I mean, they should get a room! 

Really, my friends have their own stories to tell right after gym. Like who's the hottie today and who's looking at who and who is flirty with whom. The clean and healthy essence of gym is eclipsed by gay men and turn the sacred healthy place to a gay cruising hot spot now. 

Sounds vulnerable to go to gym right? I wonder what will happen if i ever hit the gym.

I think i will lose my discretion  with so many hotties there without knowing their names. I bet my head will get confused and it will be hard for me to obey on what shouldn't do at gym. Hard to resist, so touchable, too good to deny it. I bet every day will be a cheery chap stick - feels so wrong but it feels so right. 

While i writing this entry, my mind keep flashing this scene from The Simpsons where Homer is bringing Bart to steel mill to 'straighten him' from being gay: