When I turn 70

Everytime a very old lonely person who could barely walk pass me, several thoughts will run in my mind inevitably. I will miss my late grandma. I will also feel pity for that old person. And i will feel afraid as well.

Yes, I'm afraid of getting old. I know I'm still young and alive at this moment but I'm not God or Matthew McConaughey in Interstellar - I can't turn back time or delay the passing of time. I have to live with it.

For me, one of the challenges which has been haunting for being gay is that who will take care of me when i get old. I can't produce offspring and don't even think to adopt a child in Malaysia for gay couples. You may say that my partner will take care of me until we grow old (God's willing) but still - who knows both of us are too fragile and weak to even take care of ourselves.

I always wonder what I will be when I turn 70. Will I be lonely and poor, sitting alone at the bench and reminisce the good old misty yesteryears? Or will I be filthy rich and living in a big mansion? Future is not ours to see but for sure, I'll be having arthritis and wrinkled sunken eyes by then.

Maybe it's too early for me to worry for the things that only happen in next 40 years. I don't even know i will live that long or maybe end of the world will already have doomed us all by then.

Nevertheless, when I get old, I hope will be someone classy who accepts aging gracefully just like Audrey Hepburn....

He takes my wheel

Words can't describe how exciting I am coz it's just merely two weeks before the last day of my current workplace. I'm really looking forward for my one month break throughout December and it will be great!

I have been working for all my life without taking any proper break. I guess it is justifiable for me to take a whole month off and refresh myself. Activities installed for December are really awesome from moving to a new crib, Christmas, watching Mamma Mia The Musical for free (I won the tickets!) and I'm even travelling with my mom. After hiatus like 10 years, this is the first time i travel abroad with her and I'm really excited and proud. Why proud? Coz I sponsor her - well, it's not those lavish getaway but just a humble trip up to Bangkok but I already feel so proud about myself for doing filial piety.

Though I'm all geared up for my December break but at this juncture also I will ask myself who or what I want to be. I'm hitting the big 3 O very soon but honestly, i don't have no answer for myself. You may say I'm a fool who doesn't really care about the future or you may say I'm carefree lad. Whatever you may call me, this is me, I can't change it. I'm not heading my life aimlessly but i know that God is always there for me to guide me and He never forsakes me.

I know we're cool

So I was accompanying my partner to do his grocery then suddenly, I saw my ex. I didn't say "hi" to him since he was busy talking to his friend (not because my partner was next to me that time).

Come to think of it, this love sick thing could be very awkward and puzzle sometimes. You called your ex "darling", "honey" "baby"- you could call him the sweetest name on this very earth but eventually when you broke up, you just politely address him with his first name. Really, your ex or even your date used to be the closest human being to you. You promised him forever love and the endless exchange of "I love you", you even could die for him. But eventually, fate ended the relationship, you moved on with your life. The closest human being to you is just an acquaintance now. I believe when you stumble upon your ex in the mall, you would just politely say hi and that's it.

So do i miss my ex(s) or my dates?

Not really but sometimes i just would reminisce the times we spent together. It is rather funny to reminiscence those teenage years when i was in relationship during my high school. Technology wasn't so great back then, so communication was just via SMS and MSN messenger or even dropping
 love messages in Friendster. When i missed him, i would just miss call him . I wasn't rich that time (I'm not rich even now), there were limited things we could afford to do like watching movie or just having a very simple dinner.Doing those simple things could make me so happy though in a frugal relationship.

Actually, not much difference between what  I did with my ex and the things i do with my partner  Still same old things, watching movies and having simple dinner - gosh, i haven't change for all these years for romance, I must be a very boring person to date with. But aren't these simple things that make the relationship so pure and true. Need not to be extravagant and shower the relationships with materials, after all, he will leave you eventually.Lol, just joking. The best things in life are free alright?

Before i end my note, this song goes out to my exs and my ex dates, i know we're cool (except for some).


P/S: How could you not love Gwen Stefani? She's so beautiful and classy!

Racism and Sexism

We heard so many news and even viral social media postings in regards to racism and sexism. Need not look far as these two prejudice, discrimination and antagonism are still pretty much demonizing our own people at our own back yard. Clueless? Just look at some politicians and the prominent figure who looks like a frog.

But you don't really care, do you? We're only be alarmed if some jokers out there make a headline on his/her racism or sexist remark on our own race and gender. But have you ever  being a victim of racism and sexism?

Just wanna share with you, lately I've been aggressively looking for a new place to live in since I'll be moving out from my current place very soon. Inevitably, my source of searching will be ibilik.com. To my surprise, the preferences in those vacant postings are pretty disturbing.

The common preferences are "Chinese only" and "female only". Aren't that pure racist and sexist? Are those Chinese and female folks living in nomad kinda life which move around? What about other races and men? These two folks are capable enough that they don't need a shelter?

This is an unhealthy sign definitely. Room rental could be this racist and sexist, what about wider scope like career, business and scholarship opportunities?