Everytime a very old lonely person who could barely walk pass me, several thoughts will run in my mind inevitably. I will miss my late grandma. I will also feel pity for that old person. And i will feel afraid as well.
Yes, I'm afraid of getting old. I know I'm still young and alive at this moment but I'm not God or Matthew McConaughey in Interstellar - I can't turn back time or delay the passing of time. I have to live with it.
For me, one of the challenges which has been haunting for being gay is that who will take care of me when i get old. I can't produce offspring and don't even think to adopt a child in Malaysia for gay couples. You may say that my partner will take care of me until we grow old (God's willing) but still - who knows both of us are too fragile and weak to even take care of ourselves.
I always wonder what I will be when I turn 70. Will I be lonely and poor, sitting alone at the bench and reminisce the good old misty yesteryears? Or will I be filthy rich and living in a big mansion? Future is not ours to see but for sure, I'll be having arthritis and wrinkled sunken eyes by then.
Maybe it's too early for me to worry for the things that only happen in next 40 years. I don't even know i will live that long or maybe end of the world will already have doomed us all by then.
Nevertheless, when I get old, I hope will be someone classy who accepts aging gracefully just like Audrey Hepburn....