When Will I See You Again?

So bud of mine is emo recently since his partner is away for few weeks. He is so emo until he needs to be away from KL so that he wouldn't spend the weekend alone and  being emo at home.

I know I shall be death by revealing this but at least he has someone to miss and I truly believe that his partner misses him to pieces as well.

You see. there are two kind of missing. One is the scenario above in which both parties miss each other. From my own experience, this kind of miss is the sweetest. Literally, you can't get him out of your mind.

Regardless you are working or driving or just waking up from your bed, he will be the first person comes to your mind. Every now and then, you will text him to check out what he is doing or what he had for lunch. You even check your phone regularly to see whether he texts though your phone is not in silent.

 And at end of the day before you go to bed, he will text you to ask how your day was.

To be honest, I miss this kind of missing feeling.

However, once the person that you miss the most walks away from your life, you have another kind of missing and this is missing is painful and this missing always happens to me. Sucks right?

The painful part lies in the memories that you enjoyed so much with him. Those sweet memories that you cherish so much becomes your worst enemy that gives you unrest and sorrow. It's even more painful when the cafes or even the retail shops that you always spent time together are already closed down. The last piece of tangible thing that you had with him is slowly gone from your sight.

The best thing you can do is just visualize you and him had a memorable time together at that very place.

If there is a sound for missing and longing, I hope there will be no sound of sob nor sorrow. But I'm always fated that I will have people appear in my life that will take me on the most unforgettable journey. In the end, they will leave me behind with the most painful momento.

It's getting late. It's pointless to be emo for a person who doesn't misses you back or missing in action. But i always ask myself...when will i see him again? When was the last time he thought of me? Or has he completely erased me from his memory?

. The thing I miss the most is that when I was very important in his life and I meant a lot for him. I hope that he will find the missing piece to bring me back to him.

Best Of Both Worlds

It's rather funny or even confusing when people ask me whether I'm top or bottom. Come on, why gays have to be haunted by this question from both other gays and straights.

I'm not talking about sexual position here but rather the role I take in a relationship, if any. Well, if you are dying to know what my sexual position is, why not you explore it in my bedroom.

Anyway, I'm bottom in a relationship. OH NO!! That's what my friends always label me. In fact, I'm confused actually. I think I'm best of both worlds. Oh wait, I just realize that I'm versatile.

In all seriousness, I'm really looking forward for a versatile partner in near future. There are many reasons why I have this aim. Let's..

Assuming I'm top...

Then my partner will be bottom. My generalisation may be wrong but I always find bottoms have this emotional rampage. Most of decisions and actions are driven by emotion that could reduce the level of rationality. I know many bottoms will bitch slap me for saying this but I'm sorry since I watch too much of speeches by Trump with his dramatic finger gesture y so no holds barred for me.

I can't picture myself that I will take a top and a man role in a relationship because I don't see I'm qualified enough. And it consumes a lot of energy and moola just to make a bottom happy since most of them are pretty demanding. I rather have those energy and money for myself. Furthermore, I'm not rich nor have a manly physique to make bottoms fall for me. It's true, money and body are two main aims for bottoms. True love, i doubt so.

Those bottoms who act cute when they are young, I wonder what happen to them when they reach 30s. OMG, don't tell me they gonna act cute at the age of 35, that's disgusting. Really, I have Facebook friend, who is in his mid 30s and he is still posing with soft toys and make all those cute facial expression...yucks..sorry, I just puked in my mouth when he came into my mind.

The world is indeed overcrowded by bottoms. Gay men are like tupperware, you can find all the bottoms, but you can't find the tops.

Assuming I'm bottom...


I guess I would be more comfortable to be a bottom. You see, I don't have to do anything. My top partner will shower me everyday with love.

Just joking, I don't want to see myself as a super bottom either coz I don't want others to see me as bottom bitch. Wait, I'm already a bitch regardless I'm top or bottom haha.

Furthermore, I don't think any top men out there could meet my demands. Even if they could, I don't want to be a loser that always rely on my partner. I could handle myself and lead my life well (although I always wish I could have a top partner who could drive me around coz I'm very lazy to drive).

If my next boyfriend is versatile, I wish he could be initiative, smart and equipped with problem-solving skills. These three traits are very attractive for me. And of course, good command in English please so he will understand my jokes and my sarcasm. Physical wise, good looking is unnecessary (though I wish he could look like Gu Hai) but at least he could flash his smile and make my day.

Regardless top, bottom, versatile - strip away your position and role, underneath it's all the same love.

Why Can't We Be Like That?

I promised myself that this year would be a year that I would be truly single. Without any slightest thought and temptation to get a partner.

Unfortunately, my New Year's determination seems to diminish a little.

Thanks but no thanks to Addiction/Heroin webseries. Damn it, Bai Luo Ying and Gu Hai were so sweet together until making me to get a partner in my life.

Actually, there was a significant person came into my life earlier this year. We started it cool but sooner later he would greet me in morning and sent me good night message every night. He had the potential indeed for me to consider to take a step further. Sadly, he is MIA now.


Life goes on. This isn't the first time and won't be the last time that I have this "so close" situation and I'm tired of this.

I guess you are tired too right. You see, people who showed slight interest in you could yell out those sweet words that could really melt your heart. Such as "I'll take you there..." or "I miss you" or "we do that together okie"...but we (or maybe it's just me) need to wake up to face the reality that things are not happening and the person is gone.

 In short, move on. I know best thing in life would take sometimes. It's good to wait for the one you truly love. But as the time goes, this perseverance becomes stubbornness. And this will lead you to no way and you have waited your damn lifetime for nothing.

No matter how many times you tell yourself to move on and you know there are some people stay deep down in your heart. Please wish them well. Seeing them happy, you would be happy too if you really love them. Loving a person is not about possession, it's just to see that very person happy. Unfair right, he is happy and I'm emo and wishing him well.

I really do envy people around me sometimes. They seem so loving together. Hiding under bedsheet together, spontaneous treasure hunt to locate the surprise gift, exotic escapade. Maybe I did experience these before but I just didn't appreciate it. Such a jerk.

It's getting late. Someday soon, I know he will appear in misty air. And everyone of you would be awed by how awesome my boyfriend is lol..

Come, let's emo together with my favourite song at the moment....most of the time, we will ask ourselves why we can't be like that...

Addicted to Heroin

Gay community in Malaysia, I presume rest of Asia was literally melted by the love and romance from Gu Hai and Bai Luo Yin / Yin Zhi. All the sweet words in the world seem futile to describe how loving these couples are.

I've watched many gay themed movies and series and this China's gay webseries Addicted / Heroin tops it all. At least, this series brings us a happy ending in which most of gay people are hopelessly looking for.

My bud was sick of me since I always yelling out "Bai Luo Yin" all the time whenever I met him. So I dared him to watch this series. And to my surprise, he spent almost four hours to finish the 15-episode of  Addicted / Heroin. And now whenever I meet him, for every 10 minutes, he will say with all his sweetness "Gu Hai!!" Another addicted victim.

There are many reasons why many gay folks like me got addicted by this love story.

Foremost, they are good looking. Good looking as in not those commercial type kinda good looking but the ordinary handsome men you will bump into on the street. That's why their looks could really connect to us.

Secondly, Gu Hai, Gu Hai and Gu Hai - the one who looks and acts like a top. I must say the way he treats Yin Zhi is exceptional and definitely you would be envious of Yin Zhi. To share with you, Yin Zhi is really my type but if I was given an opportunity to choose a boyfriend, definitely Gu Hai. Even there's a person who treats me half as good as Gu Hai, I will marry him. Not joking, some of my friends and even me got tears in our eyes just to watch the way Gu Hai treats Yin Zhi. He touches our hearts indeed.

My favourite scene?

Gonna be roof top scene in which Gu Hai consoled Yin Zhi who was crying badly after his father has moved on with his new wife. Just admit it, you also cried when you watching that scene right? It was so much love when Yin Zhi was crying on Gu Hai's embrace.

The other one was Gu Hai forced Yin Zhi to call him "husband"......awwww.... that scene was very very very sweet.



Forward to 2.40, 11.20




Forward to 2.00, 18.00



Forward to 1.35!!


Thirdly, the script. My friends who understand Chinese said the script is superb. Well, I don't know Chinese but by just reading the English subtitle, it already melted me.

Fourthly, the series bring gay folks like me to believe in love again. You see, gay people live in superficial world but looking at Gu Hai and Yin Zhi, it gives us confidence that true love still exits in this community though we know the chances are very low.


Please watch it before some people take it down from the Internet. Just don't understand some people who label us morally wrong to practice gay lifestyle but are they morally right to judge and discriminate us for accepting who we are? Remember only God can judge us.

Anyway, please don't watch Addicted / Heroin if you want to sleep early and have a clear mind without any Gu Hai and Yin Zhi traces playing in your mind lol...

Here's a trailer and let's start the addiction :