Monday, April 18, 2016

Why I'm Still Unwanted?

So my ex-classmate is getting married next month and he is inviting my partner to tag along for the wedding dinner.

Say what? Since when I have a partner lol. Come to think of it, only once in my lifetime that I brought my ex-partner to attend someone's wedding.

I wish I could have a partner to attend all those weddings or formal functions. Not to show off, instead it's a formal introduction of my partner and foremost, recognition of my sexual preference.

It's been more than six months I'm being single. I'm doing great for these past six months. But then again, occasionally I will stop and ponder why I'm still being single and left unwanted. Here are some assumptions I made and I believe you and me share the same sentiments also:

You're Stuck on The One

You have stuck that someone that you loved so much and you were so happy with him. Sadly, that someone has moved one for long time. You realized that there's no point of waiting for him but you have set your mind that ideal partner should be someone like him. In the end, you are wasting your time seeking high and low to find someone like him. Wake up and change your mindset. Let someone brand new get close to you and make him special to you.

Low Self-Esteem

We all have these inner critical voices that tell us we are too fat, too ugly and unattractive. Trust me, I have those voices too. These critical voices are even louder when you are in gay community since body physique comes first above anything else. That's why I always believe that I'm not outstanding in this community since I don't have this physique asset. When we listen to these critical voices, we are shunning people away to get to know you. Nice body will attract another nice body in an instance in this gay community , sad right?


You choose people, people choose you - as simple as that. I'm a very picky person. Look, my friends are really fed up with me for being very picky when it comes to food. Pickiness in me is my nature and this is very bad when it comes to romance. There are two schools of thoughts when it comes to pickiness - being less picky and simply pick someone and give it a shot. If it works well, good on you, if it doesn't, get ready for heartbreak. Another school of thought is being persistence to your pickiness no matter how many years until you finally find someone. And this involves helluva patience. To be honest, I'm not that very choosy. I just want someone who is smarter than me and pleasant to my eyes. I always find smart guys are sexy compared to the topless guys on the street.


Most of us have been hurt in relationships. With time and painful experience, inevitably, we build up varying degrees of bitterness and becoming defended. This process begins even when we were small when we encountered hurtful interactions, it led us to put walls or perceive the world through a filter. These adaptations can cause us to become increasingly self-protective and closed off. However, if you don't open up, how you could let people come into your life? Tear down these walls now!

No Time

That's me haha. You see, I'm occupied with my work and after working hours, I would be death tired. That's why I normally hang out with my closed friends after working hours since we don't have struggle to come out with a topic to talk. Even the air of silence, we would be comfortable. On contrary, if I want to meet someone new, first, I will look very tired and it will be bad for my first impression. Secondly, I don't want that person to feel uncomfortable as I would be quiet when I'm tired.

Just Not Ready

You're are too self-sufficient and do not require anyone to interrupt your life. You obliged to no one and you could do whatever damn thing you want. I feel that sometimes. Having a lover seems like a burden for me cause I need to spend some quality time for me in which my time is very limited even for myself. And I'm too independent and there's no need for me to dependant on someone. But then again, sometimes I do wish someone who could take care of things when I don't have the ability to do so.

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