Thursday, April 5, 2012

I Won't Give Up

After two years hiatus away from blogsphere, I’m back!

Yes, the bitchy faggot is gonna bitch each and everyone of you. Nah, I promise myself to be nice and decent this time.

These two years, there were so many things happened in my life –both good and bad. I know my previous blog in Multiply, I was a sick ass who was non-stop lamenting about my four-years- singlehood. Guess what? I was attached in 2010 and I broke up last year, on the fateful night of 9/11.

But a boy like me never single for long. Overconfident ain’t i?

With much humility, to be honest, there are many fishes in the sea but a fool like me always falls for the wrong person at the wrong time. Seriously, my love story could be the saddest memoir at the bookshelf. It’s okay, after so many failures in my relationship, I’m already used to it. I know I can’t be a Cinderella to have a happy ending. I’m just a damsel locked in a tower without any chance to have the ultimate happiness. It’s okay.

Honestly, I’m seeing someone.

You may perceive us as an item because we always hang out together like daily basis. Like I always say: “We look like together but we are not together”.

You may assume that I would be the happiest person on this very earth because I could spend quality time with him. Sorry to say, your assumption is wrong.

Throughout these 100 days and 100 days to come, I’m very afraid. To my surprise, I don’t feel tired, well, I did sometimes but it didn’t really consume me.

I’m scared that one day I would lose him. I cant’ afford to lose all the moments with him. The way he teases me, the way he keeps me annoyed by skipping my favourite songs, the way he steals my food from my plate, the way he guesses right of my next words, the way he chasing me to eat faster, the way he complains for I being late, the way he chooses the right food from the menu when I’m indecisive on what to eat – I guess if I continue, you will get sick.

But who am I to control the destiny? The destiny that I know of is that he will fall for someone else and I will no longer his baby anymore.

Since I could foresee that the day will come, why didn’t I give up?

I did. I gave up twice. First, he was attached- I could not find any reason why I should keep hope on the person who already with someone else. Indeed, it shattered my heart into million pieces and made me so envied on that person. But somehow, the sorrow period didn’t last long. Somehow, it was that period; we were really close until meeting everyday was a must. That’s why I was reluctant to bid 2011 goodbye on 2012 New Year’s Eve, we had so many happy moments together.

I did give up for second time when suddenly he wanted to be committed his time and space at gym. So we talked less and we met less. I guess it was time for me to move on with a heavy heart. But fate brought us together again. When I was so emo and walking alone at One U, I saw him. Thought I could just ignore him but I didn’t have the heart to do it. In fact, I texted him and there it goes, we were close once again.

Third time? I guess the time will be the day he has someone else, then I will officially relinquish my ‘baby’ title.

So what I can do now? There’s nothing I could do. I know I’m just a small particle in his universe as im not even his type. He is not my type either but I don’t know why I would fall for him. I do not wish to know the answer why because I want only him to have the unknown reason, so he could always be the one that I always fall for without applying that unknown reason on anybody else.

Naïve and foolish right? Tell me, who is not naïve and foolish when it comes to love?
I could not ask for more now because I don’t want to spoil everything. At least he is not a jerk as he is treating me very good. All I can do know is to leverage my time and space with him until he is taken away. I’m just a flightless bird and he is my nest, that’s why I feel home whenever when I’m with him. I hope nobody will take my nest away.

Romantic movies always have its happy ending because it is written by scriptwriter. My love story is written by God and I know He is writing a happily ever after for me.

Never give up on yourself as i never give up on you = )