I have to confess that I’m a heavy user of Jack D and
BoyAhoy. So what am I doing there? Chances are im hunting for a nice decent
meal to feed my appetite or to get more bitches in my circle or just to hook up
with someone. I doubt that I could ever hook up with someone from there as some
of people there are rather superficial (I said some).
Seriously, I have too little time to reply all the messages
there, not to promote myself as super gorgeous that people text me all the time
but somehow I find it rude to leave their inquiries unanswered. Unlike those
superficially good looking guys who ignore your message. Maybe I’m too
flirtatious so need to continue the game lol..
Anyway, one common question they would ask me there is my
relationship status, I told them that I’m single still and why single. If I’m
attached, what on earth am I doing there in those gay apps?
I know the earlier Alvin is like a poor whore who was dying
to be attached for the sake to be attached.
But I believe that Alvin has changed. That Alvin now is
self-sufficient, he is playful and he knows what he wants in a relationship.
Honestly, I was devastated for all those failed relationships. I’m so afraid and so phobia to have a new relationship.
I always have this perception that every good start relationship will end in
disaster.
I don’t have that
pretty face and I’m not loaded – that’s why I always afraid someone who is
prettier than me and more loaded than me will steal my another half away.
Moreover, I’m a drop dead diva, surely people will not
tolerate me and leave.
Pathetic thoughts would not lead me to a happily ever after
relationship. Really, I always have this policy “enjoy it while it last” as I know
someday they will leave me when the feeling is gone and the moment has faded. I’m
really afraid of failed relationships. I’m sick of rejections. I’m tired of
empty promises.
I know it sounds dismal. Sorry. I guess I should perceive life
in more positive light. Love is like a tornado. You can’t stop it when it
comes. You find calm and serenity in the eye of the storm. Eventually, you face the devastation and the
mess when it leaves. Just embrace what God has plans for you alright?
I’m not sure I will find anyone in near future if it does,
that person gonna convince me to adolescently believe in love again.
I know at this juncture, after reading this entry, there is
someone in your mind right? To be honest, there’s only one person in my mind
when I wrote the entire entries in this blog.
P/S: B is not an exclusive letter.
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