Someday At Christmas

I thought I could have a very merry Christmas with special someone this year.

It was so close but it didn't happen. I can't blame since he wanted to be a dickhead and gone MIA.

Moving along - you wouldn't believe me that I don't have any plan for this Christmas right? Well, it's true and I don't even have a plan for the eve.

And for once, I'm not emo over it. Surprise right?

Even myself is also surpised that I'm not sad, I'm not emo nor I'm desperate to have someone special for this Christmas. I could foresee that it will be a lonely Christmas but I will be doing just fine for sure. I won't die just because I'm celebrating Christmas alone.

If you know me well, you know that Christmas is like a huge celebration for me since I hold it so dear to my heart. Since it was (and still is) so meaningful to me, so I always want to celebrate the Christmas Eve with someone special as that very someone special will be equally important to me as well.

But then again, as I acknowledge that love will always be hard to come to me, so I have to deal with you. My anticipation for Christmas Eve dies off as my faith to find a lover dies off. The romance and the sentimental values of Christmas seem like very hard for me to grasp. It's okay, I guess, as long my close friends have a meaningful Christmas, I would be happy for them too.

Nah, don't pity me coz I'm not doing self-pity here. Come on, at least I had romantic Christmas Eve dinners with my exes.

Until today, I still cannot forget one particular person who celebrated Christmas Eve with me without any planing many years back. I still could recall the feeling of anticipation waiting for him at the gate. I never thought I could have that privilege to celebrate Christmas Eve with him. I was the happiest person walking on the Earth on that fateful Christmas Eve. We took so many pictures over the dinner.

 Sigh, if I could only turn back time. Come to think of it, I miss him the most at Christmas time. You know last week, I walked pass the restaurant we spent our Christmas Eve together. I guess after all these years, there are no one can compare with you for whom could bring me so much happiness in my life. The memories  I had with you are vividly emblazoning in my mind as Christmas comes ever year.

Okay don't talk about the past - move forward.

I'm not sure there's such thing called Christmas Miracle. If it does exists, please happen quick, like make it happens tomorrow!

Before I end my note, have yourself a very little Christmas and make this season bright.