I thought I could have someone special this coming Christmas.
It didn't happen.
Christmas used to be my favourite celebration with so much anticipation.
It's already December and sadly, it doesn't feel Christmas at all for me though everyone has started to sing Deck The Halls.
Maybe I've given up on Christmas. I feel like it doesn't belong to me. They say Christmas is meant to be jolly but for me, it's a plain disappointment, again and again.
There's no one to be blamed as biggest culprit for my disappointment is myself. I know it sounds desperate but I always have this wish every year that my Christmas Eve I could have someone special next to me.
Maybe I watched too much romantic movies - you know those movies in which the guy will finally appear in front of the girl on Christmas Eve and they lead a happily ever after. I guess I won't have that luck to have that kind of spectacular happy ending.
It's okay, I'm not self-pity here. I have disowned Christmas so it seems. On the brighter side, I won't be having that stress on how to celebrate my Christmas. I don't even have to fight for a table at a fancy restaurant with its remarkably marked-up price. Yay!
For time being, I'm that strong to say that I'm okay to celebrate Christmas alone or forgo this celebration but when Christmas comes, I know I would be deadly emo scrolling those Facebook updates.
It's good to feel that you're special for special someone on a very special. I don't have that luck this year. For those who have that luck, please cherish it. I had that very special someone before but he got someone else that who is more special than me.
My chandelier of hope have long gone diminished. I've stopped waiting long time ago. But if I have any luck or any fate, I hope those Christmas lights could light up the street and lead you back to me. I miss you the most at Christmas time. And I miss that very Christmas Eve night in which you were mine...