Sunday, September 9, 2012

Jealous, Weeping

Everytime  I see a couple doing their lovey dovey gesture in front of me,good lord, how I wish I have that courage to slap the bitch lol..

None of business, honestly, it’s their prerogative to show their affection when they are in love. But it really irks me if they get too raunchy. If they are so horny, why don’t get a room?

That’s the case for the strangers who pass you by, what if the person you put feel on, your crush to say the least is seeing someone and on the way to be hooked up. How do you feel?

Through my unfortunate series of love journey, I did encounter once before – my heart just broke off entirely without any ounce of feeling when I realize that he is seeing someone else. That time I did not really confess to him coz I was afraid that it would spoil the friendship, so I just held my silence. And my silence had made someone took him away from me.

I died in jealousy more than sadness consuming me. I would envy the person as the person is so lucky or should I say talented enough to capture all his heart and attention. Whereas for me who allocated all my hope and all the efforts I sacrificed ensued with nothing in return.

There’s nothing I could do. Fighting seems worthless, waiting seems pointless. I guess I just be a silent spectator who watches his favorite character taken away in the whole monologue.
Sometimes I do wish that I could take more action to get him. But I never dare. Not because I’m a chicken, just because i already know that the chances to get him is real low, I could never bare to watch of losing my friend as well. You can’t force, you can’t have that both.
I never have the things I wanted since I was small and even now. All the dreams and hope I put on ,all end up in disaster and heartbreak – the trend continues to live on until now.
But at least it’s not so bad, he is the best I ever had when I was loving him silently in a masquerade named ‘friend’.
Gosh, I could ever forget our Christmas celebration. It was the best Christmas I ever had.  But for him, I don’t think the Christmas we spent will hold any significance.

I know it’s already September, as we are approaching to month 
of December, things and even the atmosphere will be begin to look like Christmas.

Damn it, this year’s Christmas was promised to be celebrated at the happiest place on earth. Who am I kidding? Don’t even dare to have a slightest hope to go there with him as the promise is already broken. I guess he will be more than happy to celebrate with mr whoever and don’t even give a damn about me. Well,  preparing for another unfulfilled Christmas wish. Thanks. Santa.


  1. I can see a strong person here...:) I also had same experience likes yours before. It ended up by him coming to me and said that he loved me after i already have been with my bf for 2 years. It was too late. Sometimes, i felt stupid for not waiting him. But then, i just realize that we were not meant to be together. Trust me, you will find the truth one for you...

  2. hi khalilah, thanks for the reply.
    I don't know what the future holds, if i let go, i would miss the person i adore so much, if i stay on, it will be painful for me. But anyhow, i know there's a life out there for me = )