Monday, December 7, 2015

If Tomorrow Never Comes

It was utterly heartbroken to learn the passing of Tunku Laksamana Johor, Tunku Abdul Jalil.

His humility will always be remembered and his fight against cancer will always be an inspiration.

Many of us have lost our loved ones at tender young age. Even this year, I have lost my ex who passed on at the age of 27.

Life ain't certain and ain't immortal. So I ponder this question, what if tomorrow never comes for me? Will you be sad or am i just a dust then will be vanished in the air?

I don't think I have any regrets if tomorrow never comes for me. However, that's a thing in life that I feel that I should have done better, filial piety. Well, not like I disown my parents and I'm very honour to be their son. I make myself to go back to Ipoh every fortnight or more to spend quality time with them. Just that I should do it better to give them living that they deserve.

Do i ever regret for being gay? Well, my sexual preference is not a choice but God gave me this speciality and I have to live with it. If I ever have next life, I don't think I want to be gay anymore.

You see, gay people live base on one formula. Look good + nice body + rich. If you have these three elements or even one of it, you would be worshipped by other gay. Trust me, gay life is this superficial. If you don't have either of the element, I'm sorry, nobody will take notice of you. Your existence is like a mud on the pothole. And people keep running through it and pushing you down even further. Sucks right?

Anyway, other aspect in my life I should do better is that I shouldn't be too stubborn. Maybe I'm an Aquarian, when I want a particular thing even though it does not favour me, I will keep my persistence and preserve until I achieve that particular thing. Efforts and times are insignificant when it comes to my struggle for achievement. When I don't get what I really want, I will be emo and that's why you always see me emo.

My stubbornness also applies to my perspective in love. I always fall into wrong people. I wish I could be wiser sometimes when it comes to love.

I guess I'll be a forever gazer, gazing other people's happiness. Sometimes I really wish that I could be in their shoes, to feel the love which it's so pure. Sometimes I wish that I really wish I was the groom to walk down the aisle.

I thought I found my happily ever after but it wasn't so, he didn't choose me. I moved on, found other one but wasn't suitable to be my happily ever after. So what I have now? It's just myself and writing this lonely blog.

Sometimes I wonder why people didn't choose me. Am i that bad? Sometimes rejection implies that I have way too many flaws. From my attitude to my look. Oh well, maybe I'm not that good enough. It's not maybe, it's a fact.

Rejection could be hard to swallow sometimes. I learned in a most painful way. You try to tell yourself to move on but your heart will always go back to the one who rejected you because he was perfect for you. For those who rejected people, you never knew the pain has to endure. Never underestimate nor even ignore his attempt to be with you for which it came from a sincere heart.

Gosh, I'm afraid the more I write, I will cry. Alright. Good night.

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