Goodbye 2013

The million dollar question of 2013 is got to be "what does the fox say?".

Last year we have Gangnam Style and this year, the million dollar question has taken the cyberspace by storm.

Don't forget we have learnt some new words/terms in 2013 : twerking (thanks to Miley Cyrus), yolo and selfies. 

What a year it has been. 2012 was a mournful year, 2013 I brushed off the dust and I stood up. Indeed, it was a turning point for me in 2013. 

First of all, I took a giant leap out from the comfort zone. Yes, I changed my job but I'm still in the same industry. You know when it was already close to four years, your daily tasks at work would be a mundane routine for you. Feeling demotivated, so I changed my job. A lot of people got me wrong that I was offered with a windfall salary for the switch. Trust me, it wasn't.

The most defining moment of 2013 has to be my maiden trip to Disneyland Hong Kong. It was a dream come true for me to meet Mickey Mouse. Words couldn't describe the feeling when I had the first glance of The Cinderella's castle. 

Friends come and go. If you're close to me, you will notice that I never hang out with that person who I used to call him BFF. Well, BFF no more coz I would not I bother a person who is arrogant, super gay and whoring for attention. I believe my decision is just and right to keep a distance away from him.

Anyway, let me check my 2013 resolutions.

• To have a new environment for my career advancement. I'm sure it's bout time for me to bring the curtain down. (Done)
• My car is old and sometimes, it does look like a taxi, well it's the same car with the KL taxi and same colour as well!! In 2013, Alvin will have his own Diva Mobil. (Postponed. Property first. BTW, i'm currently using my brother's old car)
• Travelling - i always want to do travelling so much but i don't really have the time. This year definitely, I will find some space and time for myself. I'm planning to do twice this year. Travelling as in overseas travelling - one is with my mom; i'm looking around Beijing or Shanghai  The other is with my friend or alone and God knows where i'm going (Went to HK and that's it. Okay, bonding time with my mom next year)
• I think i have rest enough in 2012 and my broken heart is almost fully mended. God's willing, if all above resolutions do happen, if fate allows, it will be a humble honour for me to have a partner. But a choosy person like me, it will take ages for me to find someone. Maybe i should listen to my 'sister', loosen up a bit and open up my heart. ( don't give a shit. Enjoying being Taylor Swift at the moment throughout the year) 

Before i heave a sigh to bid farewell to 2013 and welcoming 2014 with hope and joy, let me end a note with this:

I read the rules before i broke them, i broke the chains before they chocked me out and i pay close attention, really learn the code. I learned to read the map before i hit the road. I had bad habits but i dropped them, i had opponents but i knocked them out, i climbed the highest mountains, i swum the coldest seas, there ain't a thing i've faced that's been too much for me.

There you have it, my last entry of 2013. Like every year, let's have JibJab to conclude the defining moments of 2013:

Sexiest Boys Alive in 2013

It's a love-hate situation when i write this entry.

I love it because Guys=love, simple.

I hate it because i blog about the same old entry last year, it means that i'm a year older and a closer turning into an old faggot. Don't look at me!!

Okay, enough for the drama. So People Magazine named Adam Levine as The Most Sexiest Man Alive in 2013. I couldn't agree more because he is so cute. He is the reason that i watch The Voice.That's why he was in my list last year. Can the lead singer from Maroon 5 mark his name another round  this year? Let's scroll down and see.

Ladies and gentlemen, hold on tight for the Sexiest Boys Alive in 2013!!!

Hemsworth Brothers

I was suprised that most of my friends didnt't know that Gale Hawthorne (Liam Hemsworth) from Hunger Games and Thor (Chris Hemsworth) are brothers. Don't they look alike? And Liam was Marley Cyrus's fiance but things didnt work out eventually and that is why she is a wrecking ball right now. If you were given a choice, would you choose Liam or Chris? For me, well, you know my type.

Eddie Peng

He was in my list last year and i guess you wouldn't have an issue if i put him again this year. I watched his movie Unbeatable this year and it was a pain in my heart. It broke my heart everytime i watched him being punched in the MMA ring. How could a good looking guy like him could be beaten up? And i love the part where he 'piggy back' his drunken father back to their home. Sweet.

Chi Lam

Good looking and he flies planes and he is a captain - want me to say more? Kudos to TVB for choosing Chi Lam for the role Captain Koo coz it was all perfect. I always had this fantasy that my partner would be a pilot and after watching Triump in the Skies II, i didn't need to fantasize anymore. I just love Chi Lam's wittiness in the series and that's the attributes of my future partner that i have been looking for!

Zayn Malik from One Direction

I'm not a bimbo for loving One Direction. I love their songs and most of all, i love Zayn Malik. Don't you think this English-Pakistani lad is cute? But this year, he broke million of young girls' hearts as he announced his engagement with Perrie Edwards.

Justin Timberlake 

Once again, he brought sexy back in 2013 and taught us to dress in suit and tie to kill. For me, he is not that heartthrob kinda appeal but i really admire his taste in fashion. I just want to look like him to be honest with you. Alas, i don't have the fortune to own his wardrobe.

Franco Brothers

Both James Franco and his younger brother Dave Franco were doing well this year. James was in the Oz The Great and Powerful while Dave was in the Now You See Me. I like James ever since Spiderman coz he is hot and two, he always has the smile that forms wrinkles around his eyes - so cute. But i like Dave more because physically, he is really my type.

Tom Hiddleston

I prefer Loki more than Thor in the Marvel movie. Loki has more to offer in terms of his sense of humour. I know, i'm attracted to guys with sense of humour. 

Chris Pine

I've been liking him since the movie Just My Luck with Lindsay Lohan. I like him even more in Star Trek. Yet again, i have this preference on guys who fly planes or jets or Enterprise lol...He's not that very good looking but he is rather charming for me.

Mario Maurer

My college sweetheart. Indeed, i was crazy over him during Love Of Siam. Come on, who can resist his mixed-parentage look? Though his face is bit rounded now with his fading boyish charm but he is still very good looking. Pan Asian is definitely my type.

Henry Cavill

I started to doubt my sexual position from versatile to bottom when i watched Man of Steel. I wished i was Amy Adams, feeling so secured with Superman beside me. Don't you think the Superman is such a hottie? I know i sound bottom here but  i don't care.

There you have it guys, my list of sexist boys alive in 2013. If you don't agree with my list, you can just click the exit button lol... see you again next year!!

Fluffy little rascals

I'm a cat person more than dog. So let me share with you the pictures of cute fluffy cats. Please meet Nate and Rain.

Innocent bunny or playboy bunny?

As the Christmas spirit dies down, the other celebration awaits. I love the next celebration because i can spend quality time with my family. I hate it at the same time as this is when  the spending goes out of control. Yes, i'm talking about Chinese New Year and it's just a month away. Are you excited about it?

I'm still in the Christmas mood so whenever I hear CNY songs, i would like question myself "is this too soon?"

Don't forget we have New Year coming up. Yay! This is when you make empty promises to yourself. Yes, you make  all those New Year's resolutions but tell me, which one of those you were really committed to materialize?

Personally, there are no agendas for me just yet in 2014 coz my resolutions in 2013 were barely fulfilled. So to avoid breaking promises to myself, it would be better if make no any resolutions for next year.

But there is a resolution that i wanted to make every year but i wouldn't dare to do so - to get a love partner. Well, there are two reasons that i don't want a relationship.

First, someone is lingering in my heart for past two years and it's kinda hard to find someone who could break his benchmark.

The other reason is that i still want to play around (it's up to you how you want to define "play"). I always believe in this philosophy "play as crazy as you can when you are single, once you attached, be good".

So i'm still single and i don't have anyone to report to or under any confinement of being a lover, so i can play whatever i want.

Having said that, i'm not a mr casanova who goes around the playground and break people's heart. Coz i believe what comes around goes around, yeah the karma thingy. But sometimes in this gay circle, it's like a game you know. You need to be smart ass to win the game and survive in this community. If you're a loser, please don't hate the player, just blame the game itself which is so cruel.

So in 2014,  should i repent and be a good boy and hooked up with someone for a relationship OR should i suit up and keep the game rolling?

To be honest, i'm lonely sometimes, even jealousy will visit me sometimes...life is already so difficult and you're facing alone. Sometimes i have wishful thinking that...let Yoga Lin conclude this entry..

Merry Christmas

It was rather dishearterning when i scrolled down my Facebook and read all those lonely lonely posts. I felt you guys because i was once like you before. It really sucks to be alone and lonely at home when the whole world is celebrating.

Please don't be. Christmas is not about feast, is not about big celebration. Though matter of fact is the celebration of the Jesus Christ birth , why not we take this significant day to reflect ourselves how blessed we are from His grace and blessing. Please don't emo today, let our hearts rejoice in Him today.

I know sometimes you wish that person could spend the Christmas Eve. To be honest, i also wished that he could celebrate the Christmas Eve with me. But sometimes you have to wake up and realize it won't happen and move on. There is no such thing called "perfect ending" on perfect day. Please have a litlle bit of self-dignity, screw him and move on.  

Anyway, i didn't have feast or major celebration this year. I just had Bubba Gump and Starbucks and that was it. Further than that, well, you have to ask me personally. I wonder who was the mysterious guy who celebrated Xmas with me...hmmmp....

So back to my Christmas Eve, so i was sitting at the Starbucks around 9.30 pm and i was nearly washed away. Washed away by waves of sea creature which categorized as clams or lala in Malaysia's colloquial. Seriously,i had no idea where they came from and they were congregating at the main entrance of Sunway Pyramid. I was pretty sure that they were there to do countdown. Hello, this is not new year, what to countdown? Countdown to the birth of Jesus? I bet that they had no idea what Christmas is all about. Maybe thier answer would go something like celebrating the existence of Santa Clause? Since they like to countdown so much, why never countdown for Chinese New Year? 

I shouldn't complain that much on Christmas Day. So since today it's Christmas, do light up your heart and home with joy, Merry Christmas.

If I Die Young

I never really bothered about my health until recently.

So I went to clinic as I was down with migraine for past few days. The GP checked my blood presssure and the result was simply jaw-dropping. The doctor looked at me without any verbal cues then she rechecked my blood pressure again. Then, she flipped my previous medical records.

"Alvin, do you know you have high blood pressure?", she asked.

I was like WTH! Since when i had this medical problem?

My reading was 145 mm Hg whereas the normal reading would be below 120. It was pretty bad reading as any reading betwen 140-159 mm Hg would be Stage 1 hypertension.

So what the heck is hypertension?

Hypertension or commonly known as high blood pressure is a chronic ( i hate the word 'chronic'- the connotation is so negative which implies that gonna die fast) medical condition in which the blood pressure in arteries is elevated. Consequently, the heart has to work harder to pump the blood to circulate to whole body through vessels. To make matter worst, hypertension is a major risk for stroke, heart attacks and heart failure.

Sounds so serious right? Occasionally, i had this buzzing or hissing in the ears but i never really give a damn about it. My fingers sometimes would be numb if my heartbeats went unusually fastl. I never knew these are the symptoms for high blood pressure.

It's not end of the world for me as the best way to overcome hypertension is by adopting a healthier lifestyle which i'm struggling and reluctant to do so.

Anyhow, life is something unpredictable. We don't dictate our mortality. God is the only who will dictate.We are just His subjects playing guesses on what is ahead of us.  What if i die young and God calls me home? Will i leave this world with all the glories and pride or regrets and disappointment?

Actually there is not a single regret in life. I believe i have been a leading a righteous life although i'm gay. I believe we should take it easy in life because nothing is ever as it seems.

If i could turn back time to once again recalling the defining moments of my life, definitely, i would go back to my childhood. I was so happy back then without any worries and with abundance of love.

Let me end this entry with my favourite childhood song below. Everytime i hear this song, i would recall myself in my dad's car and asked him to turn the volume higher coz i loved this so much back then. As what Michael Learns To Rock sings: sometimes i wish i was a sleeping child, being covered and keeping the world away that is so wild.

Christmases When You Were Mine

CareerCast has listed the 5 Most Stressful Job in 2013. And i'm not suprised that my profession is in the list. In the public eye, you may see us in glamorous lifestyle like dining in the finest restaurants and rubbing shoulders with prominent people in town but at the workplace, we embrace the philosophy of FML to be honest.

It was a rather tormenting week for me this week. The onslaught of emails which would be deadly if i didn't read thoroughly. And don't forget, PR is a thankless job. The client will merely thank you if the coverage is in Kosmo full-page and as you gear up with your running shoes to the victory lap, the client will pull you back and ask "What about The Star?"

Nevertheless, though i was secluded myself in the war room, it was touching to see my colleagues to buy me food, drinks, fruits and even words of encouragement that meant so much to me.

After the dust settle next week, i guess it's time for me to do some retail therapy for Christmas. I know i sound like a bimbo here but i need some therapy to complement the energy that i have been channeled to my work. Just joking, yes, i'll be doing massive shopping but it's for Chinese New Year.

So where will you be for Christmas' Eve?

You always wanted that very person to spend the night before Christmas with you but you know it won't happen. So as the days draw closer, you expect that your Christmas wish comes true but it flies away from the reach, so you run away in your sleep and dream of Christmas wish.

But when you wake up to reality you just want to take down the mistletoe.

I know this shouldn't be a lonely Christmas but there were Christmases when you were mine. I've been doing fine without you. However, as the night gets colder and as when everyone is celebrating, for me it's just a lonely time because I miss you the most on Christmas. I wonder where you will be on 24th night,

There were Christmases when I didn't wonder how you are tonight cause there were Christmases when you were mine.

Perfect Christmas

Gosh, my work is extremely stressful lately until my Christmas mood is literally shadowed by my workload. I thought December supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year but why FML is apparent on my forehead now?

I have barely 8 to 9 hours before i'm preoccupied myself with my work again, so let's talk about Christmas.

I'm pretty sure the common question that forwarded to you would be mostly  "How are you going to celebrate your Christmas?"

Some may be bold enough to fight for a place at those fancy restaurants. Some may rather want private moment and just spend the silent night at home. 

Let me see, for past three years, I celebrated my Christmas at restaurants with feasts which was hurtful for my pocket. So this year, it would be great if my partner could unleash his culinary expertise and cook a simple Christmas dinner for me at home. Nah, i don't have any partner. 

The bothering question is not where but with whom. 

Don't talk about me, what about you? Lonely Christmas? Romantic Christmas with your another half or quality time with family?

I know who is on your mind whenever i raise this topic. But i have stopped dreaming. It won't happen. I don't think I'm lucky enough to celebrate with him coz you know, he has a better significant that worthy of his time on Christmas Eve. 

Not emo over it. Just getting over it. Or maybe there is someone better pop up underneath the mistletoe in my room? I know words on the streets will be heard that Santa's coming, reindeer flying through the sky so high with the sleigh bells ring up the night. But i won't be bothered because my Christmas present couldn't be found in his sleigh. Coz the greatest gift that there could be that wrapped underneath my Christmas tree; would be the same my whole life through - I'd spend the perfect Christmas with you.

Back To December

As the December wind blows outside and as the children choir sings the evergreen caroles serenading the joyful people, everyone is so happy like God put a smile on their faces except for me.

Cause I miss you.

What a way to start my post. Yes, though I miss someone but not to the extend until depression. However, I've got the feeling that emotional breakdown will be visiting me soon as Christmas is drawing closer.

I used to love Christmas very much but it seems it's meaningless for this year. Maybe I'm really too preoccupied with my work or maybe I know that I won't get what I want for Christmas so why bother.

Until now I still don't have any date for Christmas' Eve. Come to think of it most of my friends are attached so I don't think that they have the slightest concern for me. Not complaining coz Yuletide is very significant, so it will be ideal to celebrate with your loved one.

So if you are reading this blog, please date me on 24/12. I won't bite but I'm

just a little bit of Taylor Swift. If you ever break my heart, I will write you a song. 

Please ignore the paragraph above. 

Christmas is very significant for me, so I'll keep it for a very significant person.

If you are close to me, you will know who is that significant person. I know it won't be happening coz things have changed. He wouldn't care about me anymore.

So I'm all alone writing this lonely blog for lonely souls out there. 

Since I won't have that significant person for this Christmas, so Santa, there's only one wish from me; can I have  your naughty boys list?

Girl On Fire!

I never thought that i would had the chance to watch Alicia Keys singing If I Ain't Got You right in front of me. Yes, i bought the ticket for Alicia Key's Set The World On Fire World Tour in Kuala Lumpur.

Although initially, it was a terrible experience for this concert. Coz i was at Kesas Highway's junction to Stadium Bukit Jalil and my gosh, the jam was so terrible - so terrible until it consumed me an hour to get into the car park. I was pretty sure that the parking was managed by dumbasses coz they only opened two gates for the car park. Come on, you were expecting thousand upon thousand of Alicia Keys' fans and they only opened only two gates?! Gotta be ludicrous.

Anyway, back to the concert and my God, i know she is pretty but i never knew she is that pretty in person! I don't want to blog so much about her concert as i'm pretty sure you can read the news in the mainstream media. The concert was superb and i never will ever forget the moment when the whole audience sang the Fallin' with her - she just brought the house down!

Some of my friends were surprised that i forked out money to purchase her ticket. Normally, i would wait for free tickets) but for Alicia Keys was exceptional case. I have been fan of hers since her debut single Fallin' back when i was Form 3.

This mother of one could sing and her songs, can't deny it, simply marvelous. Aside from her talent in singing, one thing that makes me adore her so much is that she writes very well and so profoundly. I have to admit this, when I'm emo (as always), i would listen to her songs and it gives me so much inspiration to write so much in this very pathetic blog of mine.

I guess she already melted your heart with the evergreen If I Ain't Got You. To share with you, the guy in front of me at the concert, just bought the ticket to see her perform this song live. This proves how beautiful this song is.

I guess most of us will be oblivious the content lyric of her songs as we would be carried away by her music itself. Let me share with you, few of the lines from her songs that simply make me awed:

"I know some people search the world to find something like what we have, i know people will try, try to divide something so real, so till the end of time, i'm telling you that in the world; no one"  - No One

"Anybody could have told you right from the start it's 'bout to fall apart, so rather than hold on to a broken dream, I'll just hold on to love. And I can find a way to make it, don't hold on too tight, I'll make it without you tonight" - Sleeping With A Broken Heart 

"All the king's horses and all the king's men; they came marching through, they offered the world just to have what we got, but i found the world in you" - Not Even The King

"Careful with your ego, he's the one that we should blame had to grab my heart back, God knows something had to change, i thought you'd be happy, i found the one thing i need. Why you mad? It's just a brand new kinda me" -  Brand New Me

"When I'm breaking down and i can't be found. As i started to get weak, cause no one knows me underneath these clothes but i can fly" -  Superwoman

"Some people think that the physical things define what's within" If I Ain't Got You

Bring the curtain down

Some said that world is a stage and each must play a part.

Single people like me and people around me are taken away by their relationship, I wonder what kinda part I could play at the stage.

There is no role that I could play on the stage as I don't even have a companion to act with. All I can do is be an audience on the floor and watch the performance of those lovely couples at the stage. Applause will be heard if they could end the play with a happily ever after ending. Or I would be a tearjerker to watch the relationship falling apart?

I'm not the director so I wouldn't have a clue. Like the cliche says "just enjoy the show".

I know the people in front, left, right and behind would leave the audience seats. One by one they will walk up to the stage to do the play. And I would be a loner in the audience still. 

As the audience is bare with emptiness, I would ask myself when I would be ready to take lead role and stage a spectacular performance.

If that one fine day ever arrived, i know fate had playing in love you as my sweetheart. Act one was when we first met, I loved you at first glance. You read your line so cleverly and never missed the cue. 

Then came act two, you seemed to change and you acted strange and why I'll never know. 

You lied when you told me I was precious    to you and I had no cause to doubt you. But I'd rather hearing your lies than go on living without you.

Now the stage is bare and I'm standing here all alone and if you don't come back to me, then I'll bring the curtain down. 

The green display of affection

Every time I look at those public display of affection in Facebook - I would ask myself "Alvin, when is your turn?"

Not near future of course. I gotta admit it that I do get envy sometimes whenever I come across those affection. Am I that low and bad quality to have someone just to have slightest taste of affection? 

Maybe due to peer pressure, I feel low confidence sometimes. I'm not good looking or I have hard rock solid sexy body; I don't even stand a chance in this gay market. But being say that, I'm choosy as well. Honestly,I would like someone who is a brainer instead of those typical faggot you find on the street or those gay people who are so poor, what they have is only their bodies. Like those shrimps, nice succulent body but without brain.

Ok, back to the topic: public display of affection is out of topic for gay in the actual public sphere what I mean is virtually in Facebook. 

I know happiness is to be shared but those affection could turn people's eyes green eventually. Who knows someone is jealous about your relationship that goes so well and intimate until it irks him to ruin your relationship. Anything could happen.

And of course, gay community in Malaysia is rather small, so everyone knows each other. You might never know your best friend's boyfriend is the guy you slept with before - it might happen.  

So why declare to the public on who is your another half. The more public see the affection in Facebook, the more attention it garners and the more gossips that follow. I don't rule out that the gossips are the reason of relationship breakdown.

It's true; let's make a scenario here: your partner is highly popular in the scene; so everyone in gay community scrutinizes every move you guys make. Once there is a little small issue in your relationship, everyone will take notice and talk about it. Inevitably, some feedback could add another blow to the issue which in the end the issue has gone out of proportion then break up in the end.

So kids, stay low ya? 

Btw, this entry is meant for gay folks, not straight.

Lingua Problemo

Do you believe the clash of culture between Chinese educated people and English/national school educated people?

Yes, somewhat for me. I have plenty of Chinese educated friends and I could click with them very well. Let's narrow the topic to those very Chinese educated people who could barely or uncomfortable converse in other language aside for their mother tongue.

Let's narrow it further to dating to a person who has different type of education background with you.

Since I was English educated ( if you know me well, you would know what sort of school I came from) let's talk about a banana guy like me dating a very Chinese educated person. I wouldn't mind actually if the person treats me kind and he could always lend his hand whenever I'm in the difficulty in coming across a Chinese written article. Or maybe he could teach me in familiarizing some basic Chinese characters.

They always envy us on our great command of English but I do envy them that they could read Chinese.

But along the way, problems tend to arise as different kind of mindset. This is proven from my failed relationships with my previous lovers. Sometimes, I don't know what they were thinking.

The most challenging issue here was communication as I would express my critical issues in English but since my ex was more comfortable with Chinese so I had no choice to translate my thoughts in Chinese until came to a point I was lazy to express everything in Chinese so let it be and this definitely strained the relationship. 

 

Somehow their mindset is rather practical  and reserved. On contrary, English educated people is rather dare devil with wild and free ideas. So it was rather sad that my relationship with my exes was ended up in heated arguments since they couldn't understand what I was really thinking.

Nevertheless, friendship and love doesn't confined to language barrier or education barrier. My statement above is just based on my experience and it is very subjective to tell whether right or wrong. 

Got the look but..

Every time I post selfies in my Facebook, I hardly can get more than 10 likes.

Not complaining nor upset neither coz I do accept the fact that I'm not handsome but at least I feel confident about my outlook. Like what I always say "the beauty lies within".

Okay, so how would you feel if you had a face which carved by angel?

Well, of course you feel great coz you will be like a blue chip in the gay market. Look, gay community is real, they only go for the look. If have the look, the world revolves around you.

However, as I've been in this community for ages, good look doesn't mean everything.

Some good looking people are pretty bimbo actually. I don't want to use the term dumb ass as it will be too mean. Name no mention, just check out those hunk themed competitions. Not all of them are dimwitted but if they were, you would have a great laugh mesmerizing how they answer the questions.

Some good looking people are also surviving on their look but have nothing within. Yes, they will go all sort of stuff to maintain the beauty on the surface. So their level of confidence is built upon the surface on their skin and not within.

Let me share with you of my experience: i was organizing a nationwide mr cool search, so this gay guy who was acquaintance of mine got shortlisted. However, he chicken out last minute because he didn't have the confidence to be in a public sphere and compete with others.What stunned me was he could remove his shirt and took shirtless selfie in the Facebook with hundreds of likes but when i provided him a platform to showcase his look, he was a chicken and  quit eventually. Sad right? Virtually gaining manifestation from other people for his outlook but when it comes to real and actual platform, he lost his balls.

The more I blog, the meaner I am so I finish up this entry with a finale: overconfidence people. I don't want to judge one's look so make an assumption here that guy I'm referring looks normal. And my god, although he has a decent look but he positions himself as a very sort after guy in the market. Seriously, even if very sort after, please be polite and humble one unlike this: 

Sweet O Success

Failures and regrets; I have a few but then again, too few to mention. But yet, I do have an accolade of achievements that I really proud of. 

During school days; for most of us, I believe the achievements and success stories would be like scoring straight As, getting top in the class and won some competitions. Academically, well, I wasn't the dumbest person in the class, I scored pretty well ok? Achieving academic result was a piece of cake.

As you enter the battlefield of working   environment, achievement and success stories are rather difficult to be written since it's a real world. There's a Chinese saying "it takes three years to yield three minutes of fame on the stage". That saying simply testifies the amount of effort and dedication before you reap what you sow in your work.

Well, I do feel proud of my work so far, be it in my old agency or new agency. Sometimes I couldn't expect myself that I could produce that successful results. It is a great humility indeed.

However, every time I did a great job, at the end of the day, I would feel emotional about it. I felt like that I need to break the news to someone and share the joy and celebrate about it. I wanted to share it in FB but I refuse to coz hardly people know what Public Relations is all about. And I didn't want to create attention in Facebook.

Strange right? I should be happy and proud. My pride will be written in my cv but the hidden joy is the main issue here.I don't know how to express it nor I know how to share it. 

I hope I won't be a drifter. But I won't be satisfied every key results that I have achieved. As the achievement is attained, it is my natural instinct to raise the bar even higher to achieve even higher result. That's why it's hard to be little Alvin coz I never satisfied. 

I'm not prima-donna

The diva is busy.

If you've been communicating with me in what's app, you would be familiar with the term above as my status.

I know I always utilize the term diva every now and then and even my role model is Kimora, but I ain't no Diva. Really, I'm a living Guan Yin with a noble heart. 

Just that my preference or my wishes or my demands had taken me over the edge sometimes. Look, life is short, why don't we live it up accordingly to our preferance to redefine your life.

I'm not sure I'm a demanding person or not coz I'm not the right position to judge myself. Ok la, I'm demanding sometimes coz I just want to make things happen. 

To forge a friendship with me could be suicidal sometimes to live up my demands but I don't mean any harm ok?

If you want to know a real diva, I can introduce to you. How diva? To talk to him, there's a set of guidelines to follow or else....

Irreplaceable & Unconditional

Deepavali celebration is over- you know what's next. Yes, that's right-Christmas.

I'm a huge sucker for Christmas as it is the most sentimental day of the year and even far greater than valentine's day. 

Thought I would have a potential to spend the Yuletide this year but things just couldn't work out.

If you didn't know, last month or last two months I had been going out with someone. You may call it as a curse coz the person also named D as its initial. My life is pretty comical coz all the people I like have the initial D or D somewhere in between their names.

Anyhow, I felt kinda bad coz I was a heartbreaker this time around. Come to think of it, I was like a super jerk played with his feelings and initiated the courtship and he fell into it.

I never meant to hurt him. At least I did the right thing to stop the courtship before he fell even deeper. Things just wouldn't work out and my feelings didn't reach the benchmark for me to commit into a relationship unconditionally.

Or maybe the benchmark set by that very someone is never meant to be reached by someone else coz that very someone is near irreplaceable. Or maybe the benchmark is only exclusive for him. I hope not. I really do hope there's someone out there could do far more better than him until could make me madly fall in love and commit to a relationship.

 I know this love sick thingy is hard to let go. Even if you let go, memories will still linger. Sometimes, it's not that goodbye that hurts but the flashbacks that follow.

Young and Reckless Before Old and Wise

I know when i was in pre-teen years, i had this paranoia that how would i look like or where would i be when i turned 30.

Though i still haven't hit the big 3 O just yet but i feel myself is aging coz i have some signs of erectile dysfunction. Just joking, the big 3 O is nearing soon to be honest with you.

I mean seriously, every time i scroll down the Facebook, I'll be definitely bombarded with those younger gay boys' posts (i love it when they go nympho and take the shirt off and post in Facebook) - somehow or rather, their posts are not thought-provoking sometimes. Am i disconnecting to the younger generation gradually and heading to the old fags' home?

Maybe the term "aging" is too strong, "mature" sounds better.


Another reason how this mature thingy strikes me is the conversation topics with my close friends are somehow sway into to the grown up men topics. Okay, i admit that i was a SGL  (sei gay lou aka faggot) before and men would always be my favourite topic. But now, i mostly discuss about career, politics, investment and economy. Like yesterday, i had an hour chat in wee hours at the cafe with my friend on Budget 2014. I guess most of the SGL would be discussing about men or bitching about the gay people in Jack D - predictable.

Additionally, i feel myself aging coz i need supplements to maintain my well-being. I always wanted to adopt a healthier lifestyle like eat healthily, sleep early and do exercise regularly but i failed miserably. Really, the staircase will be my worst enemy coz it always cause me shortness of breath. That's why i'm currently scouting for a gym to build up my stamina. Pump up my body? I don't know want to pump up or not coz i would never imagine how would i look like if i become really fit like muscle on every inch of my body. I think body like Justin Bieber will be just nice for me.

Actually i don't like overly fit those kinda body - it looks like walking Michelin. The worst cases that trigger me to bitch about them are fit body with small legs (they look like put chai kou (chinese pudding cake) with two sticks shove into the bottom) AND fit body with small head - if Hollywood wanted to make a movie of Ninja Turtles, definitely, they can be the casts easily(I'm not being bitchy but just look at the turtle and you will get what i mean)

I think i have to stop here coz the more i blog the more bitchy i am. And i'm glad that i didn't mention about settle down here coz the heartbreak kid still wants to play more. Nah, it's not the best time for me to settle down and hardly anyone can open up my heart.

Here is a saying before i end my entry:

You know you're old when your regrets overcome your dreams.

Can't Silence My Love

What do you really check out in Facebook?

I've to be honest with you, aside from the timeline, on regular basis, i'll check out Malaysian Gags, a friend  ex friend of mine who always posts those "OMJ" bimbo and dramatic posts but no one will like it (when nobody likes his posts he will start tagging people - awesome right) and of course some hotties who always give me soft porn as in always flash their skin. Talking about hotties, i'm delighted that an acquaintance of mine had gone from skinny anchovy to sizzling hottie. I knew he was going to gym thingy but i had no idea what the result ensued. And praise the Lord, i'm not sure he is an attention seeker or confidence booster - he posts his shirtless photos almost everyday. And he even reaped off his shirt at Trick Art Museum in iCity - an archangel he called it. I hope those families with little kids and those foreign tourists won't be aroused by his doing.

Anyhow, the other thing i check in Facebook is that the person that i love  harboring my feeling on. I know i'm such a dumbass to do so that but i'm really eager to know how his day was. I know i deserve a tight slap right now as i still couldn't move on although he already attached long time ago. Seeing him with someone else can make me lonely sometimes. 

I'm not saying that i don't have friends but i can't bother them all the time. And they have personal space and things to do also. I'm not implying i'm weak either; i can spend my time on my own (sometimes i could be very busy with my work until do not have time for myself). Having said that, i just want to have someone to call my own. Someone that has so much chemistry to be with and someone that has so much admiration on me and vice versa.

However, i will not rush to any relationship just for the sake of being in relationship.I don't know. I don't think i'm ready for relationship. Coz i don't have a hot body to bait anyone just yet. Nah, i still have this orthodox thinking that beauty lies within. 

I know the fags out there could simply have relationship like a laundry basis but not me. Well, i used to fall so fast to anyone whom i had little crush on but lesson learnt. Things won't work based on crush and based on simply  he is your type. It doesn't work out this way honey.

 I guess i'm not the only one who has this thinking, maybe you too. Take things slowly. Don't rush. I know you are afraid that if you don't take action now, he will be gone. But would you rather to take the risk to have another heartbreak without knowing a person and hook up with him which might stand a chance that things won't work eventually?

Conversely, don't hold your silence too long as he maybe isn't sure you're into him or not whereas he is really into you. Actually, there is no 101 in this thing called love. I did hold my silence once and look what the silence has done to me - writing this lonely blog for those lonely souls out there. Silence doesn't always mean yes it may also mean no but it's better left unsaid. 

If i ever had the chance to break the silence, i would say this to him "I can't live a day without you in my mind. I think about you all the time"

Port Dickson : seafood and cats

So when I told my friend that I was going to Port Dickson or commonly known as PD, they were like 'huh? pd?? So dirty there".

Indeed, it was so dirty. The seashore was like a rubbish dump with food packets top the list. Where the civic minded people go?

Anyhow, to be honest with you, this is my maiden trip to port Dickson. I'm not a beach person but since Tuesday was a off day so why not I spent the weekend with an escapade far off but not too far from KL. Though the actual journey was around an hour but the traffic jam delayed our journey to two hours!

Apparently, the hotel I stayed in was in the new development area named Port Dickson Waterfront - a modern commercial hub facing the sea. I really liked it because the hotel was facing the sea and the F&B outlets were just perfectly adorning the seaside. Let the pictures below narrate my trip:

     

A fantastic point of view but it was not the case in actual as there were trashes hidden between the rocks. However, it was a nice stroll to hear the sound of wave and admired the sunset               

Picture captured at Cape Rachado. You have to hike the hills like half an hour until your breath is taken away by this marvelous view of the Straits of Malacca

Starbucks face the sea - I bet the Starbucks die-hard fans would love this. A brew of hot coffee listening to the sea wave crashing the shore- you can't get this relaxing experience in KL

The other thing I loved about Port Dickson is that cats were everywhere. This pregnant mother cat was captured at the restaurant- she was waiting for me to feed her. How can one resist her innocent eyes; just like Puss in Boots.

Had seafood for dinner at Yun Long Seafood Restaurant. Four dishes which inclusive of prawns is only RM 60!! But the taste was just moderate - lack of culinary skills.

Another cat chilling at the pathway near the sea

The lighthouse at Cape Rachado. It was like 20 minutes drive from Port Dickson to this lighthouse and you have to hike additional 20 minutes to reach this lighthouse.

Xi Wang restaurant which was just diagonally  opposite Yun Long. RM 60 for four dishes which inclusive of a piece of crab. So cheap right?! The taste wise, this one was better but please do bear in mind that this restaurant was rather hot and stuffy. 

Chubby VS Hottie

Though I've been quiet in Facebook lately  but my eyes still can see.

Aside from those dramatic posts from you know who, I'm completely blown away by acquaintance of mine who goes topless. He used to be a skinny lad but he became bigger in size after took up gym routine then booyaah! He posted his shirtless picture in Facebook and it was literally delectable. Not surprise, he had over 300 likes.

So I'm thinking do the gay people here share this common belief that you need a hot lucious body to be accepted in the community or to be the visible ones?

What about those who posses super skinny body or even fat laden body? Sidelined? Unwanted? Or just get out From this community? Imagine they post a shirtless picture in Facebook, no people will even take notice unless those people who have bizarre preferance. 

I've been thinking to hit gym and make my body in shape and take shirtless picture and post it in Facebook to let theworld  to see my nipples.

Just joking, I'm not those attention whores. 

The reason I'm considering to hit the gym is well, I eat a lot so there are some unwanted parts of my body. But the main objective will always be building up my stamina and to have a healthy lifestyle.

Maybe I should put this in my resolution for 2014.

Deliberately indecisive

"So Alvin, what is your weakness"

Every time people ask me this question especially those interviewers, I will pause for awhile coz I never really reflect myself to define my weakness.

I always wanted to answer "I'm not a morning person" but due to formality I couldn't.

Weakness? Please! I'm a Kimora wanna be-there is no such thing called "weakness" in my life.

But to be honest, I think my weakness is that I'll take a long time to deliberate my decision or even judgement. Somehow this will make me indecisive ( especially when it comes to what to eat).

I'm afraid of misjudgment also. If we ever made a wrong decision or even misjudgment, the unwanted regrets will surely ensue.

So yeah, please don't get me wrong if I'm indecisive, I just need a little more time to consider.

 

Like I take a whole lot of time to consider whether should I quit this gay circle and settle down with someone. I'm not joking and I'm not implying I'm turning straight. But just that so sick of this circle sometimes. It's either heartbreaks or get annoyed with those faggots. Really, just open up your jack d and it's like an app for the whores-hardly you can make any friends there and hardly you can see people there with their shirt on. 

And omj (I have no idea what it stands for I think it is referring to oh my jizz) more and more fags are getting shallower. douchewaffle indeed.

In My Life

John Lennon once sang 

"There are places I'll remember, all my life, though some have changed. Some forever, not for better, some have gone and some remain"

Indeed, there are people come and go and some fated to remain in my life. 

I'm not that kinda person who lives next door coz I'm rather mean and sarcastic to my friends most of the time so it's hardly for me to have close friends. But for those who stay in my life, I really love them all.

For some who deliberately to end the friendship, well, you have made the choice and I don't even bother to salvage anything.

Though I'm quite upholding the notion of freedom of expression but when it comes to sissy and behave like super diva, please get out of my life. Especially those divas who love to boast around. Just hate those.

Love wise, I don't want this entry to be the longest entry ever. Love wise, just come what may. 

Though it sounds cliche but I've to admit here that I'm seeing someone. Seeing someone doesn't mean that I'm committed and I'm attached. Just exploring the potentials (yes, I'm using plural). 

Seeing someone doesn't mean that I don't open up the opportunities for others. Nevertheless, it's too soon for me to settle down or even to have a relationship - maybe next year.

Friend No More

"I don't want to friend you anymore"

Those were the words that we frequently would hear when were so small. As we grow older, the phrase above seems to be obsolete as we are mature enough to take friendship as mature way as possible. If ever misunderstanding and even uncomfortable situation arised,both true friends will open up and talk the issue over and solve it for the sake of the friendship.

I rarely talk or even think about this friendship thing - not to say I don't bother  my friends but I'm approaching towards end of 20s, comradeship is already well-built and the rest attention is much focused towards career and family (if I had one).

But to my surprise, these I don't want to friend you thingy is still happening to me.

Though it is not apparent words from him but his action tells it all. Well, this is not the first time happening, many times indeed.

I'm tired to give a fuck to all this shit.I always tell myself though we are gay but don't take things in sissy way and be a man about it.

You see, he's not young anymore why he still needs to be so sissy about it over the small matter. I do admit that I was wrong somewhere but the matter was just a small particle in the whole universe.

It has been a month since we last spoke and I'm feeling great actually. To be honest, before the issue happened, I had been reserved and trying to take a step back from him. I don't want to be a bitch to narrow down why I did that but I believe he had changed- change in a way that I didn't trust him anymore - in a way that the way he expressed himself publicly sometimes irked me.I had tried my best to salvage the friendship but his action told me not to give a fuck.

So let it be. Friends come and go and I don't bother anymore.

Rich Meets Poor (Part 2)

Im not finish yet. My previous post talks about different classes in society when it comes to gay love, let's extend this topic to friendship and networking or acquaintanceship whatever you want to call it. 

A friend of mine told me this "Alvin, I don't know how to mix with people with different background. My manager told me to dress well and branded in this corporate world and then, people will notice you. Of course, mix with same level of class or higher".

I don't deny that in corporate world we have to dress well or even adorn ourselves with brands but corporate world only applies to the office hour-after that you have to be bare naked to be your own self.

Maybe my friend is little bit shallow or he's just too desperate for corporate ladder, but for me, why extend the network of friendship to people who have different or lower background from you.

You see, I have long list of friends from filthy rich to hardcore poor. Filthy rich people- their topic will always revolve on how they spend their money.

On the other hand, the stories from lower end of society is rather inspiring. Look, they weren't born rich, so they have to work extra hard to survive. I do admit I learn a lot from them and they are the ones who embed 'humility' in my DNA.

Please don't judge people who are not up to your level. Rich people are only rich in monetary values but the people from  lower segment of society is far more richer in values of life.

But when it comes to gay people, they are a bunch of fags who are really realistic. So yeah, be wise when you forge a friendship with gay people. You would never know what people up their sleeves.

Rich Meets Poor

Time flies. Today marks the 12th anniversary of the 911 tragedy. Today also marks my heartbreak dated back two years ago. My ex is such a thoughtful person, he didn't want me to be lonely, so he chose this date to breakup with me so the world would share the sadness with me.

Anyhow, I'm so moving right now and I don't even know his whereabouts. I should make this entry more positive by making this statement: celebrating two years of single hood. Yay!

Though it's not the best time to consider about relationship but lately I've been wondering, disregarding heterosexual or homosexual love, does love bounded by  classes in society as in those high class, middle class and low class? 

I've no experience in this as my exs are middle lower class ( they deserve to have the term lower as they are low standard in thinking for dumping me) and most of the love stories among my friends are based on the same level of demographic.

What if two extremes fall in love? Will the high end guy be embarrassed to have a lower class lover? Will the family reject his son's choice like those Chinese black and white movie where the mother in law will bully and despise her son's wife?

The term love is blind gradually becomes a fantasy as we are living in a real world. I give you a scenario; will a rich fag which laden with branded items all over his body date a low class people? Definitely not. Even the rich fag's friend circle will be revolving around rich people.

If the rich fag doesn't mind the other guy's poor background, really, I will salute with utmost respect to that guy.

Actually, there is a case. A friend of mine, he's a doctor and he is dating a hawker food seller - two extremes come together as one item and they have been dating for years and they even live together now.

 

Though, I might sound diva and demanding in love but as long the person earns a decent living and can feed himself well, class differences will not be an issue. I still believe love is blind.

Two weeks of hiatus

Today is the last day of my two-weeks break before I commence to work in the new agency.

Though I really look forward but this job will change my lifestyle totally-the major one gonna be sleep early and wake up early since the traffic to my new workplace isn't that pleasant at all. Well, early bird catches the worm and sleeping early is good for health too. 

To echo the common gay lifestyle, I might consider to hit the gym too. Yeah, to get a hot nice body and lure all the men into my room. Nah, not really to get a fit body, that will be my secondary - my primary objective is to get a healthy body. You see, I'm aging and I need stamina I mean more stamina to go through the day.

Anyway, for these 14 days of hiatus from my work, it really provides me a great deal of personal space to do soul searching. 

Soul searching my ass, most of the time I spent sleeping, eating and hang out with my friends. 

Since I have no work to occupy myself just yet, so I have to admit here that I was thinking of someone. Not that I couldn't let go but I really miss his presence.

He's such a perfecto for me but fate only allows us to be friends not more than that.

I really wonder the next love that installs for me. Will he be a tall macho man or cute sunshine boy? I have no idea and I don't have the courage to do so.

You see those love sick thing especially in gay circle is rather superficial- good look, hot body and good bucks rule the day while the ugly and fatso are abandoned without any chance to try what love is all about. I know it's rather shallow to have this generalization but this is the truth. Well, I believe there is true love out there that against all odds.

What about me? Erm, not the time yet I guess? But Christmas is just few months away, it's been awhile I never celebrate Christmas' Eve with the one I truly love. 

But before I jump into another relationship, I really have to make it clear on my position. In relationship wise, I'm not sure I'm a top or a bottom or both. Hmmm..maybe my next partner should be versatile so he can accommodate my seasonal changes in my position.

This Is Us

I have something to confess, yes, I'm an one directioner!

Being a huge fan, I wouldn't miss the 1D This Is Us 3D movie. Though it wasn't that good as the Katy Perry movie but I had a good time watching it and it was inspirational too!

If you didn't know, if wasn't Simon Cowell, there would be no One Direction today.

Apparently,the lads joint the X Factor reality series in UK back in 2010. They had the audition individually but they didn't make the cut when it came to the boys selection.

However, it was Simon who grouped Harry, Zayn, Niall, Liam and Louis together and made them into an entity in the competition. That is how one direction came about.

They didn't win the competition but the fans went crazy over them and the rest is history.

From no one (actually, Harry was a baker boy initially) to international stardom; how twist of fate could change one's life.

Reflecting my life right now, well, not to say perfect but I'm contented. I know life is in palm of your hands but sometimes we need divine intervention to lead the way.

Like recently, I quit my job without any offers backing me up. I wasn't scared because I had the faith. I asked Lord -"please grant me a job". And my prayers had been answered and not only I've got the offer but the offer is from the agency that I really look forward to.

Even my tertiary education - I wasn't born rich so I had to rely on public universities but our sad education system  put me into some unknown uni. 

So I applied partial scholarship from Taylor's . But it was two days too late to submit, so I had to wait another sem in another year. But praise The Lord, I received the sweetest phone call amidst the disappointment.

"Alvin, the (some big shot) will be in Ipoh doing roadshow, you can pass to him directly and expedite the process and put you in the sem which will be commenced next month" Taylor's 

And I've got my partial scholarship to study PR  and now I'm a PR practitioner in a MNC agency.

Sometimes, you think it's over but it's not. It's not the end for you.What over is the path that you are traveling and subsequently you have to move to the next path. I believe if you have the faith, I believe the next path will be a blissful one.

P/S : I know I sound bimbo here but Zayn Malik is my favorite member of One Direction. He's so cute and so sweet! Well, he came from a single parent family and when he successfully earned his first gold from 1D, he fulfilled his promise to his family and bought his mom a brand new house. Aww....